(no subject)
Its one in the morning and despite my protests that I don't suscribe to all this superfluous nonsense about new year resolutions and what not, I still succumb to peer pressure. Here's how 2007 went for me as a whole. OR rather, here's what selectively comes to mind as I reflect about the year.
In February
- Onslaught of applications for UK universities, even though it is way past deadline. I admit this was only done with much reprimanding from my parents. My ego is battered from my JC experience and mediocre grades; I feel completely insecure. My parents teach me a lesson I will always carry with me- the world never waits for laggards. I'm devastated that I disappoint them by running away instead of facing the world. Aren't I supposed to be the sensible one in the family? They accuse me of shortchanging myself. I am guilty and remorseful but it seems too late.
I begin teaching at SN! Relief teaching helps me wile away time and I experience the cheap thrill of earning my first dollar. To say I didn't learn much in the cozy confines of SN would do my time spent there severe injustice. I believe I take away practical life skills and if anything, recap my lit knowledge to a certain degree. I leave in March
though, with a huge sigh of relief despite my reluctance to part with the 14 year olds I've grown fond of. The girls' unaffected, easy display of affection especially impacted me, lighting up an otherwise monotonous job. On hindsight, I hope they all learn a little somethingsomething in my time spent there. Even if it was something as redundant as 'choose option c, if all else fails'.
In March
Praise the Lord! I get into Kings College London even with my purported 'criminal record' and tardy application. God's blessings are abundant: I also gain entry into NUS and SMU law school. From suffering a deficit in choice, I now have the luxury of picking and choosing as I please. The process and tiresome internal debate if I want to pursue a degree abroad begins, but I am still deeply grateful.
In April
The high(low?)light of this month would have to be my first breakup. The boy was a sweet one, the first I (for some strange reason) consented to committing to on a long term basis. What we had was most definitely unconventional, perhaps even queer in the eyes of some of our mutual friends- but that didn't matter. I felt what we had then was good. The circumstances of our split caused me a lot of heartbreak: I felt I'd shot myself in the foot for choosing the glamour of an overseas education over him. There was a lot of self-questioning on my part especially since we were (un)fortunately also best friends. The ambiguity and uncertainty of our status post breakup on certain occasions nearly killed me. In fact to date, because my affection for him never wavered, it still does affect me, albeit with much less intensity. Anyhow, the month was spent with a lot of tears shed and futile attempts at distraction. But in the end it was only in the light of this challenge that I realised how much my family and friends meant to me and vice versa. I daresay I came out of the ordeal a more resiliant individual. If not, I have succeeded in the art of brainwashing- if you tell yourself you'll fall out of love with someone enough times even when your heart doesn't concur, you eventually believe yourself anyway. (:
In May
Birthday celebration! The biggest party I unashamedly threw for myself. Although the theme party didn't quite turn out as planned, it was good to spend time with the people I love the most- 13A, jazzies and chorale mates. I felt treasured and blessed.
In June
Euro trip with momma. The time we spent together taught me a lot about what makes my mother tick. Our relationship improves. I realise she's not as hard a woman as I make her out to be. That when she's angry, yes she can be unreasonable, but that's only human. She's actually a very selfless, disciplined lady I am very proud to be the daughter of. I think also my growing up made a difference.
Ridiculous amount of time to spend waiting for university to start. Most of the time was spent reading copious amounts of books in an attempt to be, if not 'feel' well versed.
In Sept
Going to london! I leave Singapore with an entourage of people to send me off at the airport. I am exceedingly touched and grateful, but no tears are shed this time. London turns out to be a lovely cosmopolitan city- quainter, and less efficient than Singapore, but I still fall in love. Being alone subconsciously changes me- I am still in the midst of self discovery. God has also been faithful, providing me with lovely Singaporean christian friends and international ones. I find my life is pleasantly balanced because the workload is so much lighter. I dance, I sing, I study, I go to church, and I participate in community projects. I am glad that with much prayer and advice from people I love, I made the right choice for me.
In December
Coming Home! The exhileration of coming back to a place I am familiar with is numbing. Coming back helps me better appreciate the things and people I used to take forgranted. I realise friendships stay constant, so my worries about losing contact with people were unfounded. All the same, my favourite overused phrase becomes, 'how're you' in the really, HOW ARE YOU sense because I'm so out of touch, I don't know how else to prompt people to begin and I genuinely care. When I'm in large groups, I like to just sit in the middle of the going ons and just bask in the familiarity of how my friends chitchat, bicker and tease each other. All is well and right in the world. :)
In February
- Onslaught of applications for UK universities, even though it is way past deadline. I admit this was only done with much reprimanding from my parents. My ego is battered from my JC experience and mediocre grades; I feel completely insecure. My parents teach me a lesson I will always carry with me- the world never waits for laggards. I'm devastated that I disappoint them by running away instead of facing the world. Aren't I supposed to be the sensible one in the family? They accuse me of shortchanging myself. I am guilty and remorseful but it seems too late.
I begin teaching at SN! Relief teaching helps me wile away time and I experience the cheap thrill of earning my first dollar. To say I didn't learn much in the cozy confines of SN would do my time spent there severe injustice. I believe I take away practical life skills and if anything, recap my lit knowledge to a certain degree. I leave in March
though, with a huge sigh of relief despite my reluctance to part with the 14 year olds I've grown fond of. The girls' unaffected, easy display of affection especially impacted me, lighting up an otherwise monotonous job. On hindsight, I hope they all learn a little somethingsomething in my time spent there. Even if it was something as redundant as 'choose option c, if all else fails'.
In March
Praise the Lord! I get into Kings College London even with my purported 'criminal record' and tardy application. God's blessings are abundant: I also gain entry into NUS and SMU law school. From suffering a deficit in choice, I now have the luxury of picking and choosing as I please. The process and tiresome internal debate if I want to pursue a degree abroad begins, but I am still deeply grateful.
In April
The high(low?)light of this month would have to be my first breakup. The boy was a sweet one, the first I (for some strange reason) consented to committing to on a long term basis. What we had was most definitely unconventional, perhaps even queer in the eyes of some of our mutual friends- but that didn't matter. I felt what we had then was good. The circumstances of our split caused me a lot of heartbreak: I felt I'd shot myself in the foot for choosing the glamour of an overseas education over him. There was a lot of self-questioning on my part especially since we were (un)fortunately also best friends. The ambiguity and uncertainty of our status post breakup on certain occasions nearly killed me. In fact to date, because my affection for him never wavered, it still does affect me, albeit with much less intensity. Anyhow, the month was spent with a lot of tears shed and futile attempts at distraction. But in the end it was only in the light of this challenge that I realised how much my family and friends meant to me and vice versa. I daresay I came out of the ordeal a more resiliant individual. If not, I have succeeded in the art of brainwashing- if you tell yourself you'll fall out of love with someone enough times even when your heart doesn't concur, you eventually believe yourself anyway. (:
In May
Birthday celebration! The biggest party I unashamedly threw for myself. Although the theme party didn't quite turn out as planned, it was good to spend time with the people I love the most- 13A, jazzies and chorale mates. I felt treasured and blessed.
In June
Euro trip with momma. The time we spent together taught me a lot about what makes my mother tick. Our relationship improves. I realise she's not as hard a woman as I make her out to be. That when she's angry, yes she can be unreasonable, but that's only human. She's actually a very selfless, disciplined lady I am very proud to be the daughter of. I think also my growing up made a difference.
Ridiculous amount of time to spend waiting for university to start. Most of the time was spent reading copious amounts of books in an attempt to be, if not 'feel' well versed.
In Sept
Going to london! I leave Singapore with an entourage of people to send me off at the airport. I am exceedingly touched and grateful, but no tears are shed this time. London turns out to be a lovely cosmopolitan city- quainter, and less efficient than Singapore, but I still fall in love. Being alone subconsciously changes me- I am still in the midst of self discovery. God has also been faithful, providing me with lovely Singaporean christian friends and international ones. I find my life is pleasantly balanced because the workload is so much lighter. I dance, I sing, I study, I go to church, and I participate in community projects. I am glad that with much prayer and advice from people I love, I made the right choice for me.
In December
Coming Home! The exhileration of coming back to a place I am familiar with is numbing. Coming back helps me better appreciate the things and people I used to take forgranted. I realise friendships stay constant, so my worries about losing contact with people were unfounded. All the same, my favourite overused phrase becomes, 'how're you' in the really, HOW ARE YOU sense because I'm so out of touch, I don't know how else to prompt people to begin and I genuinely care. When I'm in large groups, I like to just sit in the middle of the going ons and just bask in the familiarity of how my friends chitchat, bicker and tease each other. All is well and right in the world. :)