<< ponder >>
It's a simple request really, that is in all actuality a very complicated phenomenon:
I want to fall in love again
I read through the pages of The Little Prince again yesterday and I found myself more than just a little weepy when I reached the end of the book.
Emotionally laden and full of wisdom hidden behind beautiful yet simple imagery, I found myself laying the book down every once in a while as someone's face persistently came to mind.
However, after conversations with some good friends (special mention to dearest Len Tia) I've put an effort into blocking this special someone out of my mind.
It helps really since it slows me down (according to Marian Panganiban she thinks I move pretty fast when I like someone) and I honestly do think that in this case I have to slow down.
Circumstance, complications, and a little bit of history make this little mess a really big mess and thus I find myself contemplating every little thing I do since my situation with this person is very much volatile and galvanized.
It's just recently that I got to talking with her again and finally after so long it feels just like it used to. Maybe it was just me, but it looks like everyone talking once again wrecked the day. I don't think it was just me who felt things were akward between us. I don't think I was imagining all those times that she seemed to be avoiding me.
Finally having back the friendship and normalcy I've missed so much, I find that I'm afraid to take the risk. Things were so much simpler back then until the universe conspired to make my life go through a growing phase. I failed the test, I believe. I gave up for so many reasons.
None of them now seem very convincing.
So I'll take it slow since I'm afraid of things going into another Robie. But I'm just so afraid that my cold feet won't let me reach her.
_____________________
Things seemed so much simpler this past month and a half when I found myself making an effort not to fall in crush or like with anyone. It was quite amusing listening to Peachy's and Ranna's reactions when I told them I didn't have any crushes.
Had that wonderful night not happened, I think I would've succeeded in my pursuit of the Economics of Friends-Zoning.
Even still, I like how things are now.
I remember why I said I'd choose to feel instead of not feeling. Because it is in the face of adversity that the heart's true mettle is tested.
I want to test my mettle. I want to feel. I want to grow.
_____________________
Still, it is quite sad that I find that I give into my fickle-heartedness so as to keep myself from falling into obsession, which is something I fear more than anything else.
I'd rather be called flirty than be called (the bad kind of) fixated.
I want to fall in love again
I read through the pages of The Little Prince again yesterday and I found myself more than just a little weepy when I reached the end of the book.
Emotionally laden and full of wisdom hidden behind beautiful yet simple imagery, I found myself laying the book down every once in a while as someone's face persistently came to mind.
However, after conversations with some good friends (special mention to dearest Len Tia) I've put an effort into blocking this special someone out of my mind.
It helps really since it slows me down (according to Marian Panganiban she thinks I move pretty fast when I like someone) and I honestly do think that in this case I have to slow down.
Circumstance, complications, and a little bit of history make this little mess a really big mess and thus I find myself contemplating every little thing I do since my situation with this person is very much volatile and galvanized.
It's just recently that I got to talking with her again and finally after so long it feels just like it used to. Maybe it was just me, but it looks like everyone talking once again wrecked the day. I don't think it was just me who felt things were akward between us. I don't think I was imagining all those times that she seemed to be avoiding me.
Finally having back the friendship and normalcy I've missed so much, I find that I'm afraid to take the risk. Things were so much simpler back then until the universe conspired to make my life go through a growing phase. I failed the test, I believe. I gave up for so many reasons.
None of them now seem very convincing.
So I'll take it slow since I'm afraid of things going into another Robie. But I'm just so afraid that my cold feet won't let me reach her.
_____________________
Things seemed so much simpler this past month and a half when I found myself making an effort not to fall in crush or like with anyone. It was quite amusing listening to Peachy's and Ranna's reactions when I told them I didn't have any crushes.
Had that wonderful night not happened, I think I would've succeeded in my pursuit of the Economics of Friends-Zoning.
Even still, I like how things are now.
I remember why I said I'd choose to feel instead of not feeling. Because it is in the face of adversity that the heart's true mettle is tested.
I want to test my mettle. I want to feel. I want to grow.
_____________________
Still, it is quite sad that I find that I give into my fickle-heartedness so as to keep myself from falling into obsession, which is something I fear more than anything else.
I'd rather be called flirty than be called (the bad kind of) fixated.