I try not to think about it in terms of X days since I cut. Because while it might give me that little more pressure not to each day, it makes it such an overwhelming failure when I do. Instead, I've found that thinking about the X days when I coped some other way makes every day, regardless, seem like a success because I know I did my best. This weekend I had one day when I coped by not going to a birthday party, drinking a lot of tea and asking my boyfriend for quiet time. That, to me, is a victory far beyond how ever many days it's been since I cut.
In your case, you had a years worth of days when you coped in other ways. Right now you are overwhelmed, but you'll come out the other side and be able to appreciate all those successes. Beauty isn't made or lost by scars, it is something people radiate when they feel safe. I have recieved more complements and attention now, overweight with hair I dislike, than I ever did when I was skinny with a nice haircut, because now I'm happy. I firmly believe your beauty belongs to you; it is one thing that isn't given up no matter how much agency others take from us, we just put it away for a while where it can't be touched.
In your case, you had a years worth of days when you coped in other ways. Right now you are overwhelmed, but you'll come out the other side and be able to appreciate all those successes. Beauty isn't made or lost by scars, it is something people radiate when they feel safe. I have recieved more complements and attention now, overweight with hair I dislike, than I ever did when I was skinny with a nice haircut, because now I'm happy. I firmly believe your beauty belongs to you; it is one thing that isn't given up no matter how much agency others take from us, we just put it away for a while where it can't be touched.
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