update on me
Ok, the move to New Orleans went well. I am in the dorms, and have a single room. Things seem to be good.
I spent practically a week at Preston's (my boyfriend) house, and that was...alright. We were able to have sex and mess around some, I only flashed after-not during, which is an improvment. He is really sweet and patient with me. I just feel so damn guilty for not being able to do what I think he would want me to do. He keeps saying he will tell me if something become s aproblem, and that he likes what I can offer, but I don't know...I have a mindset that if he does not climax, then it was a waste. But he says just being together feels good, and he loves me, and he likes being close, even if he doesn't orgasm. I just feel guilty. I know I shouldn't, but I do a little.
Classes start tomorrow. I am not too worried about that-I like school and normally do well. My family has been.....eh....I talked to my aunts yesterday about what my doctor said about my diagnosis-they said nothing, and then changed the subject quickly to flowers. So-whatever that means.
I am flashing, and being in Louisiana over the summer in general seems to be hard. This was were all the abuse took place, and where my dad lived when he was alive. I wanted to come back to prove I was not afraid, and that I could live here and be fine, even knowing what all he did to me. And now I feel just...done with this place. I still love the clear skies and the green everywhere, and I adore spanish moss, but I don't want to be here. Of course, I did just move here-lol-so I will be for a while. But it's nice to know I'm not trapped to this state just because I sometimes to feel trapped to my abuse.
I'm worried everyone will remember me as "that girl who went nuts last fall". I don't want that. My suitemate is someone I knew from before-when I was not healthy at all. I like that I know her, because it's always cool to know someone, but I hope it does not come to bite me in the ass.
Anyways, I am not able to have daily online axcess like I used to have-not yet anyways. I will be around, and I am thinking of everyone. I hope you all are doing well! I am so glad I have you guys. Knowing my friends will read this and understand makes me feel so much better! :-) Take care and I'll ttyl! -Brit