Why yes. My icon is a girl fucking a corpse in a bath tub.
1. 
Blood Ranch - 2006 - Corbin Timbrook
Meet the theme of all of my guilty pleasure movies. If the opening sequence is a bunch of horrible actors on a road trip who stop at run down, middle of nowhere gas station- I'm going to love it. Factor in an Englishman with a heart of gold who served in Iraq and a sex crazed midget and I'm officially sold. The plot is pretty generic, "Let's go to Burning Man! Oh noes, a woman is injured and running on the highway. Come on guys, let's walk and find a phone to get help!" Little do they know they will walk into ~*the Web*~ where Spider and his inbred family will torture, kill, and eat them. The acting is terrible. The costume/make up is terrible. The set and gore held it together and what can I say? I'm a simple girl. My only complain is if I was an up and coming horror film maker I'd stop with the inbred redneck terror. Maybe because I live in Georgia and have relatives where Deliverance was filmed but in this day and age, it's the men in suits you have to watch out for. They won't just sodomize you physically- they'll go into a sociopathic rage, slaughter you, rape your corpse, and take your family's entire life savings and invest it in robots.
2.
Boxing Helena - 1993 - Jennifer Chambers Lynch
This is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. When I decided to start boring you guys with my movie reviews I was very careful to leave out spoilers even in films most of my friends have seen. With this shit, I'll spare you the trouble of renting it. A doctor is obsessed with a woman named Helena he had an affair with several months ago. He stalks her, invites her to his house warming party, and is ultimately one of the most pathetic, unlikeable characters in cinematic history. She ends up getting hit by a car and he amputates her arms and legs in his house so she'll always have to rely on him. I know this sounds enticing but seriously, there is no blood, you never see her stumps, and instead of being engrossed in the plot you're wanting to gouge your eyes out over the constant dialogue: "I LOVE YOU, HELENA." "I HATE YOU, NICK." Then towards the end her biker boyfriend finds her but she decides she's in love with Nick! Hooray! Wiggle those stumps! OH WAIT. NO. IT WAS ALL A DREAM. Nepotism is alive and well, my friends. Don't think just because this has what could be a creepy plot and is directed by David Lynch's daughter that it's remotely decent.
3.
Imprint - 2006 - Takashi Miike
I'm really not sure why Showtime decided not to air this. It's violent and it shows an on screen abortion plus the remnants of dead fetuses being thrown in a river; buuuut Haekel's Tale showed zombie necrophilia and Jenifer showed a deformed nympho eating out the intestines of a young child. Unless people are still shitting themselves over abortion, I don't much understand. The story begins simple and intriguing enough: a WWII soldier returns to Japan to save his love Kimomo from prostitution and bring her back to America. Everyone claims to know nothing about her so he decides to spend a platonic evening with a deformed prostitute who tells him what really happened. The first half was brilliant. I cringed, paused, covered my eyes, squealed, etc. then it went into some off-beat Rashomon sequence and had the most bizarre (but not in a good way- in a stupid, stupid way) "climax" ever. I kind of chuckled at the dead fetuses though because they looked exactly like those still born photographs pro-lifers use. I wonder if they'll take some screen caps.
4.
What Have You Done to Solange? - 1972 - Massimo Dallamano
If you've never seen a giallo or hated the ones you did see, rent this as soon as possible. The set up is a high school student, Elizabeth, is having an affair with her teacher and during one rendevouz in a canoo she thinks she sees a murder in the woods. Her suspicions are correct and one by one her classmates are picked off and killed in the same off beat/gruesome fashion. It's not fast paced or gory but unlike many other giallos, style isn't used to blanket plot holes. Every event is meticulous and while the unveiling of the killer is surprising, it fits flawlessly into the story. The Ennio Morricone score was brilliant (the fact I actually noticed a score speaks volumes) and I loved that although the film fit into the Italian thriller genre, it wasn't an Argento or Bava knock off. Surprising as well is the cameo by Camille Keaton (I Spit on Your Grave) and cinematography by Joe D'Amato yet even with these sexploitation giants the nudity and sexuality is never over the top. A++.
5.
Running Scared - 2006 - Wayne Kramer
When Nathan tells me I should watch a movie my first response is usually to change the subject as quickly as possible and convince him that we should watch television. Our tastes in films are just.. not really on the same page or the same book. He gave me a run down of Running Scared's plot and it reminded me of SVU so I decided a little shoot 'em up action flick never hurt anyone. Not only did it not hurt me, BUT I MORPHED INTO A FRAT BOY. I was bouncing around the couch going "Holy shit!!! GET THE GUN. Your wife's ass is so hot!!" It's fueled entirely by testosterone but has enough bizarre plot lines to keep the less action enthused entertained. The plot is neverending with a a new twist every scene change so here's a quick IMDB synopsis: After a drug-op gone bad, Joey Gazelle is put in charge of disposing the gun that shot a dirty cop. But things goes wrong for Joey after the neighbor kid stole the gun and used it to shoot his abusive father. Now Joey has to find the kid and the gun before the police and the mob find them first. There's one scene in particular that freaked me the fuck out involving pedophiles and body bags. If you're a fan of SVU and the Sopranos, you're set.
6.
Breasts - 1996 - Meema Spadola
Oh, kumbaya sisterhood. After I watched this all I wanted to do was call up Brian and go to some nudist lesbian incense burning beach party. Women from all ends of the spectrum are interviewed about their breasts in various levels of nudity. It's a lot calmer than The Vagina Monologues but still brings up some poignant questions and commentary. Ok I'm tired of typing. B00BZ, body acceptance, fun times.
Blood Ranch - 2006 - Corbin Timbrook
Meet the theme of all of my guilty pleasure movies. If the opening sequence is a bunch of horrible actors on a road trip who stop at run down, middle of nowhere gas station- I'm going to love it. Factor in an Englishman with a heart of gold who served in Iraq and a sex crazed midget and I'm officially sold. The plot is pretty generic, "Let's go to Burning Man! Oh noes, a woman is injured and running on the highway. Come on guys, let's walk and find a phone to get help!" Little do they know they will walk into ~*the Web*~ where Spider and his inbred family will torture, kill, and eat them. The acting is terrible. The costume/make up is terrible. The set and gore held it together and what can I say? I'm a simple girl. My only complain is if I was an up and coming horror film maker I'd stop with the inbred redneck terror. Maybe because I live in Georgia and have relatives where Deliverance was filmed but in this day and age, it's the men in suits you have to watch out for. They won't just sodomize you physically- they'll go into a sociopathic rage, slaughter you, rape your corpse, and take your family's entire life savings and invest it in robots.
2.
Boxing Helena - 1993 - Jennifer Chambers Lynch
This is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. When I decided to start boring you guys with my movie reviews I was very careful to leave out spoilers even in films most of my friends have seen. With this shit, I'll spare you the trouble of renting it. A doctor is obsessed with a woman named Helena he had an affair with several months ago. He stalks her, invites her to his house warming party, and is ultimately one of the most pathetic, unlikeable characters in cinematic history. She ends up getting hit by a car and he amputates her arms and legs in his house so she'll always have to rely on him. I know this sounds enticing but seriously, there is no blood, you never see her stumps, and instead of being engrossed in the plot you're wanting to gouge your eyes out over the constant dialogue: "I LOVE YOU, HELENA." "I HATE YOU, NICK." Then towards the end her biker boyfriend finds her but she decides she's in love with Nick! Hooray! Wiggle those stumps! OH WAIT. NO. IT WAS ALL A DREAM. Nepotism is alive and well, my friends. Don't think just because this has what could be a creepy plot and is directed by David Lynch's daughter that it's remotely decent.
3.
Imprint - 2006 - Takashi Miike
I'm really not sure why Showtime decided not to air this. It's violent and it shows an on screen abortion plus the remnants of dead fetuses being thrown in a river; buuuut Haekel's Tale showed zombie necrophilia and Jenifer showed a deformed nympho eating out the intestines of a young child. Unless people are still shitting themselves over abortion, I don't much understand. The story begins simple and intriguing enough: a WWII soldier returns to Japan to save his love Kimomo from prostitution and bring her back to America. Everyone claims to know nothing about her so he decides to spend a platonic evening with a deformed prostitute who tells him what really happened. The first half was brilliant. I cringed, paused, covered my eyes, squealed, etc. then it went into some off-beat Rashomon sequence and had the most bizarre (but not in a good way- in a stupid, stupid way) "climax" ever. I kind of chuckled at the dead fetuses though because they looked exactly like those still born photographs pro-lifers use. I wonder if they'll take some screen caps.
4.
What Have You Done to Solange? - 1972 - Massimo Dallamano
If you've never seen a giallo or hated the ones you did see, rent this as soon as possible. The set up is a high school student, Elizabeth, is having an affair with her teacher and during one rendevouz in a canoo she thinks she sees a murder in the woods. Her suspicions are correct and one by one her classmates are picked off and killed in the same off beat/gruesome fashion. It's not fast paced or gory but unlike many other giallos, style isn't used to blanket plot holes. Every event is meticulous and while the unveiling of the killer is surprising, it fits flawlessly into the story. The Ennio Morricone score was brilliant (the fact I actually noticed a score speaks volumes) and I loved that although the film fit into the Italian thriller genre, it wasn't an Argento or Bava knock off. Surprising as well is the cameo by Camille Keaton (I Spit on Your Grave) and cinematography by Joe D'Amato yet even with these sexploitation giants the nudity and sexuality is never over the top. A++.
5.
Running Scared - 2006 - Wayne Kramer
When Nathan tells me I should watch a movie my first response is usually to change the subject as quickly as possible and convince him that we should watch television. Our tastes in films are just.. not really on the same page or the same book. He gave me a run down of Running Scared's plot and it reminded me of SVU so I decided a little shoot 'em up action flick never hurt anyone. Not only did it not hurt me, BUT I MORPHED INTO A FRAT BOY. I was bouncing around the couch going "Holy shit!!! GET THE GUN. Your wife's ass is so hot!!" It's fueled entirely by testosterone but has enough bizarre plot lines to keep the less action enthused entertained. The plot is neverending with a a new twist every scene change so here's a quick IMDB synopsis: After a drug-op gone bad, Joey Gazelle is put in charge of disposing the gun that shot a dirty cop. But things goes wrong for Joey after the neighbor kid stole the gun and used it to shoot his abusive father. Now Joey has to find the kid and the gun before the police and the mob find them first. There's one scene in particular that freaked me the fuck out involving pedophiles and body bags. If you're a fan of SVU and the Sopranos, you're set.
6.
Breasts - 1996 - Meema Spadola
Oh, kumbaya sisterhood. After I watched this all I wanted to do was call up Brian and go to some nudist lesbian incense burning beach party. Women from all ends of the spectrum are interviewed about their breasts in various levels of nudity. It's a lot calmer than The Vagina Monologues but still brings up some poignant questions and commentary. Ok I'm tired of typing. B00BZ, body acceptance, fun times.