(no subject)

[_starchild_]

My heart is heavy tonight. My dad was over today and I could see how much his lymph nodes have swollen in the past few days. The tiny veins in his face were accentuated by the swelling. It breaks my heart. He starts his chemo next week. It's going to be the bad stuff that makes him really sick and lose all of his hair. I don't want my kids to have to experience that again. Haydn is old enough now to be more affected by it. He has such a kind and loving heart. It's going to hurt him the most when my dad dies. I'm just praying praying praying that my dad doesn't get cancer again after the chemo. But I already know in the depths of my soul that this cancer will be the end of him. My goal is for him to know how very much I love and appreciate him, and for my kids to enjoy their time with him as much as possible. I am fearful though..I fear that the chemo is going to make him so sick that we won't get to do those things.
Sad sad sad. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's so damn hard.