My dad
My dad found out yesterday that his cancer has returned. He has mantle cell non-hodgkins lymphoma. I don't really know what all of those words mean, other than it's a really aggressive type of lymphoma. It's hard to get rid of, it's hard to make it stay away. He was originally diagnosed with it in December of 2009. I was pregnant with the twins. My mom was on the verge of leaving my dad. I was on the verge of not caring if I talked to my dad anymore or not. Cancer made our family grow closer. When he was diagnosed with lymphoma, it was determined to be stage 4. That's the worst stage. There is no stage 5. The next stage is death. He had cancer in every single lymphnode in his body and he was really sick from it. He had to go through extensive chemotherapy. Every month for 6 months, he would have to stay in the hospital for 1-2 weeks for his treatments. At the end of the 6 months, he had a bone marrow transplant. He had to go to Gainesville for that and was in the hospital for a little over a month. He was really weak and really sick. The chemo drugs did crazy things to him. One day he poured himself a glass of cold milk, but when he drank it, it felt warm. He had really bad nightmares. Things didn't taste right. His fine, red hair grew back thick and black for a while. The bone marrow transplant was supposed to help the cancer stay away for 3-8 years longer than if he didn't have the transplant. After a few months, he started feeling better and could do more. We were getting optimistic about it. He had the transplant done on June 17 and he said that was his new birthday. He had PET scans done every three months to keep an eye out for cancer. After a year of clear results, they started doing them every six months. In June of last year, before his new birthday, he was again diagnosed with cancer. He didn't get to celebrate his 2nd new birthday. His treatments weren't like the first time. He would go to the infusion center and get his chemo during the day a couple times a week. He had bad reactions to the drugs and had to be given lots of steroids and benedryl so that he could get all of the chemo. After a few months, he had another PET scan and all of the cancer was gone. This round of chemo wasn't as devastating on his body so he started feeling better sooner. PET scans returned to every three months. Three months ago, his PET scan was normal. This week, he has cancer in his face, neck and groin. He's going to have a bone marrow biopsy next week to find out just how bad it is so they can start treatments.
This time I'm more sad than any other times. I've grown closer to my dad. My kids have grown closer to my dad. All I can think about is how there is probably going to be less time between each bout of cancer. That next time, it probably won't even be a year before he gets it again. And my kids are going to have to watch him die. He's eventually going to get where he can't play with them. He can't teach the boys how to play in the woods or shoot bb guns anymore, or what kind of tracks they found by the creek. I know we will cherish the time we have together. The good thing about the cancer is that it made us closer, it made us appreciate each other, it gave us this time to cherish together. We were so close to not having that anymore. And in the end, I know that is better than him dying before we're ready. I know that the sadness my kids will feel will be because they were given the opportunity to love him. I know eventually the sadness will turn into a bright spot in their hearts where they will keep the good memories of my dad.
This time I'm more sad than any other times. I've grown closer to my dad. My kids have grown closer to my dad. All I can think about is how there is probably going to be less time between each bout of cancer. That next time, it probably won't even be a year before he gets it again. And my kids are going to have to watch him die. He's eventually going to get where he can't play with them. He can't teach the boys how to play in the woods or shoot bb guns anymore, or what kind of tracks they found by the creek. I know we will cherish the time we have together. The good thing about the cancer is that it made us closer, it made us appreciate each other, it gave us this time to cherish together. We were so close to not having that anymore. And in the end, I know that is better than him dying before we're ready. I know that the sadness my kids will feel will be because they were given the opportunity to love him. I know eventually the sadness will turn into a bright spot in their hearts where they will keep the good memories of my dad.