but I am sincere
How to not complain. I'm either biking, walking, jogging, jumproping, or doing yoga everyday. It keeps me fresh and really, really happy. I went to the driving range with my father last night and learned that five dollars for fifty balls can be fun. I'm gonna buy rollerblades, and I hope to run a race in the next year. Maybe for cancer, I've never done anything meaningful for cancer.
I want to be on a farm and learn to build a solar powered house, and then live on it while I compost and cook. My dad suggests I work at Starbucks because it's a "good company" and "they teach you to smile." Does he have no idea who I am? I smile when I eat, I smile when I sleep, and I smile when I play telephone with 10 funny friends at Friendsgiving. Not when I serve three dollar coffee and am paid seven to :).
I want to be on a farm and befriend pigs! I want to cuddle with animals because I think they would understand me more than humans, more than my father but not more than my mother. She is so sweet, I hope for her Enlightenment just as much as she does. Sometimes I think about her growing old and dying and then I can't stop crying. Because I love her so much. SO I read books that validate my lifestyle and beliefs.
I am caring a lot about things I cannot see. I will also become an assiduous worker come Thanksgiving in order to finish current sewing projects (potholders, pencil cases) and start new ones. Gifts. I want to make a quilt for my children, because I love them so much already. How is it possible to love someone you don't know yet? Sometimes I think "What if I'm infertile? I'll never get to give birth in a pool of water, and what about my magical midwife? I will have to adopt. Will I go Chinese?" I want to ride rehabilitated horses in Riverside after I learn to bake bread and grow sprouts. I am unemployed, content, and have dreams of living like an animal in the wild or really privleged East Bay folks who's way of life makes others uncomfortable. why though.