(no subject)
Well! i know you are all probly pretty damn sick of all my dumb posts but im just gonna keep posting them cuz they make me feel more at peace with myself and so go ahead an delete me if you want to, delete me from your life, im such a stupid bitch i dono what the fuck im doing. I never know what to do to make people happy, i dono what to do to make anything work in this world but myself, i relyed on myself and ya know what im pretty fuckin gone too so really im just that peice a shit seaweed again, and but this i dont mean that i have no friends cuz that not true i have lotsa wonderful people in my life so don't be offended even tho most of you dont even read livejournal but anyway...
i eat candy, cuz it makes me happy, i listen to music cuz it makes me happy, i read books, i sew, i draw, i make jewelry, i cause mischif, i do drugs, i travel, i go to concerts, all to make me happy. But what about the inbetween time, when im waiting for the next thing to take my mind off, what should i do about that? im asking anyone in the whole fucking world, what should i do about that? maybe its the mushrooms, probly so, they mad me think about my life in a way that i never had before. im always thinking, what if they dont like me, what if im ugly and stupid and nobody likes me, what if what im saying and how i act is annoying to them, is my laugh horrible, do i walk funny do i make people so mad that they cant even look at me? im just a little girl lost in a world full of toys with monsters hiding behind them, i play with the toy and im happy for a little while but then the monster gets restless and jumps out of the toy and im just so scared that i cut myself out of the picture into my own nice pretty world and im happy again and then i realize im alone and that becomes a whole new monster.
But i am the monster
I disect people's insides and cirtisize and im greedy and i dont care about their feelings. That is why the monster gets me everytime, because im too busy thinking about my own feelings that i dont realize the monster got mad and woke up and is about to tear me apart again
but then again, im overdramatizing cuz ima little drama queen
im a walking contradiction
im also the chillest person i know
i dont care about any of it, i forget it all within five minutes anyway so i have no reason to care. I just sit with my head in the clouds staring at the world from above, wondering whats going on inside all the other liddle heads, wondering if im a part of the world in their head as they are a part of my world. You are all a part of my world
the less firends i have the farther into my world i recced, an stefi comes with me because she is half my brain, we live in that crazy place and are so happy and then i go to school and i have to break out of that world and enter an old one that i used to know but have lost contact with because i met the new, happier world.
but i forgot how awsome that old world was, back then, it was prefect, some of the happiest times of my life. i never knew how much i missed jon until i started hanging out with him again, i was like, i dont need him, im happy in this only world, he isnt a part of the good world anymore, but of the newly created bad world, but now that hes back, i realize how much i missed him, i love you jon, you have your flaws but so does everyone and i think i have finally accepted all of you for you and im so happy i can finally say that, im friends with jon and hes a cool guy.
I thinks stef taught me how to do this, i dono how cuz i dont even think she knows what the fuck im talkin about but somehow she changed me into a better person, and ya i know some of you don't think that but look at this, we all thought lena was an awful choice for trevor, some were very mad about it, but trevor is happy, he feels that he made the right choice,s o who are we to judge? same with amy an danny and plenty of others i wont mention.
All that matters is your own presonal happyness, (please dont take that out of context)
but presonal happyness is most often achived when the people around you are happy as well, so that system works, in theory, until one person breaks the system and we all fall like dominos. we get up, we fall, just like an ocean
(this has nothin to do with anything i just thought it was cool)
I thought of something today while i was high and bored at work an i was just thinkin...
Think of all the crazy powerful radicals, the best of them, so many died young, many from heroin, Bradley Nowell, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and then the assassinated, JFK, Abraham Lincon, Martin Luther King, John Lennon, and many other unknown radicals of history. Think they all left the world early cuz they were like fuck this shit, whatever is next MUST be better than this, and they left and they are chillin somewhere awsome, and they left the few radical people left int he world to fend for themselves. We have no direction, no power, and no support from the sheepy masses, (and don't get mad at me for comparing myself to all those great people cuz im not doing it in a vain and selfish way, suprizing, i know)
i really, honestly don't beleive im supposed to be here, it hink someone fucked up and put me an a few other people in the wrong fucking generation, we got put int he neo-conservative generation with all the CONSUMER WHORE, FUCKING CONFORMEST SHEEP
ya that fucking hurts, thats what think about screaming in your face every time you call me a stoner, every fucking time you say i smoke too much, every time you call me a mother fucking hippie, but do i do that to you NO I FUCKING DONT BECAUSE I AM THE MINORITY
but at the same time i can sympathize with you
each eprson is a seperate person, each had had their own life experiences so they cant all be the same.........can they?
if you are different TELL ME, i want to know that you have a soul, that you have opinions and ideas that everyone else would think are crazy so you never tell anyone, that is me, i am made up of those thoughts that other people are emberassed to even think, i am made up of shame and rebellion and radical thought and I AM PROUD OF IT even if no one else is, i am proud, i wish i could find some more people that were filled with what we all hide, but many of the people i know like that are struggling with their own identity and social issues and they dont have time or energy to meet me, so i guess ill be alone, at least i have a couple rocks on my side.
Thats what ill call us, we are rocks, because just like rocks, we travel all over and get grided up and reformed into different shapes with billions of smaller peices of thought rolled up into us, and we sit, we just sit and think, cuz thats all we really know how to do
holy shit i wrote a lot, if you read to the end of THIS one i cant even tell ya, i love you more everyday, you can have all the suckers in the whole wide world if you want them
i eat candy, cuz it makes me happy, i listen to music cuz it makes me happy, i read books, i sew, i draw, i make jewelry, i cause mischif, i do drugs, i travel, i go to concerts, all to make me happy. But what about the inbetween time, when im waiting for the next thing to take my mind off, what should i do about that? im asking anyone in the whole fucking world, what should i do about that? maybe its the mushrooms, probly so, they mad me think about my life in a way that i never had before. im always thinking, what if they dont like me, what if im ugly and stupid and nobody likes me, what if what im saying and how i act is annoying to them, is my laugh horrible, do i walk funny do i make people so mad that they cant even look at me? im just a little girl lost in a world full of toys with monsters hiding behind them, i play with the toy and im happy for a little while but then the monster gets restless and jumps out of the toy and im just so scared that i cut myself out of the picture into my own nice pretty world and im happy again and then i realize im alone and that becomes a whole new monster.
But i am the monster
I disect people's insides and cirtisize and im greedy and i dont care about their feelings. That is why the monster gets me everytime, because im too busy thinking about my own feelings that i dont realize the monster got mad and woke up and is about to tear me apart again
but then again, im overdramatizing cuz ima little drama queen
im a walking contradiction
im also the chillest person i know
i dont care about any of it, i forget it all within five minutes anyway so i have no reason to care. I just sit with my head in the clouds staring at the world from above, wondering whats going on inside all the other liddle heads, wondering if im a part of the world in their head as they are a part of my world. You are all a part of my world
the less firends i have the farther into my world i recced, an stefi comes with me because she is half my brain, we live in that crazy place and are so happy and then i go to school and i have to break out of that world and enter an old one that i used to know but have lost contact with because i met the new, happier world.
but i forgot how awsome that old world was, back then, it was prefect, some of the happiest times of my life. i never knew how much i missed jon until i started hanging out with him again, i was like, i dont need him, im happy in this only world, he isnt a part of the good world anymore, but of the newly created bad world, but now that hes back, i realize how much i missed him, i love you jon, you have your flaws but so does everyone and i think i have finally accepted all of you for you and im so happy i can finally say that, im friends with jon and hes a cool guy.
I thinks stef taught me how to do this, i dono how cuz i dont even think she knows what the fuck im talkin about but somehow she changed me into a better person, and ya i know some of you don't think that but look at this, we all thought lena was an awful choice for trevor, some were very mad about it, but trevor is happy, he feels that he made the right choice,s o who are we to judge? same with amy an danny and plenty of others i wont mention.
All that matters is your own presonal happyness, (please dont take that out of context)
but presonal happyness is most often achived when the people around you are happy as well, so that system works, in theory, until one person breaks the system and we all fall like dominos. we get up, we fall, just like an ocean
(this has nothin to do with anything i just thought it was cool)
I thought of something today while i was high and bored at work an i was just thinkin...
Think of all the crazy powerful radicals, the best of them, so many died young, many from heroin, Bradley Nowell, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and then the assassinated, JFK, Abraham Lincon, Martin Luther King, John Lennon, and many other unknown radicals of history. Think they all left the world early cuz they were like fuck this shit, whatever is next MUST be better than this, and they left and they are chillin somewhere awsome, and they left the few radical people left int he world to fend for themselves. We have no direction, no power, and no support from the sheepy masses, (and don't get mad at me for comparing myself to all those great people cuz im not doing it in a vain and selfish way, suprizing, i know)
i really, honestly don't beleive im supposed to be here, it hink someone fucked up and put me an a few other people in the wrong fucking generation, we got put int he neo-conservative generation with all the CONSUMER WHORE, FUCKING CONFORMEST SHEEP
ya that fucking hurts, thats what think about screaming in your face every time you call me a stoner, every fucking time you say i smoke too much, every time you call me a mother fucking hippie, but do i do that to you NO I FUCKING DONT BECAUSE I AM THE MINORITY
but at the same time i can sympathize with you
each eprson is a seperate person, each had had their own life experiences so they cant all be the same.........can they?
if you are different TELL ME, i want to know that you have a soul, that you have opinions and ideas that everyone else would think are crazy so you never tell anyone, that is me, i am made up of those thoughts that other people are emberassed to even think, i am made up of shame and rebellion and radical thought and I AM PROUD OF IT even if no one else is, i am proud, i wish i could find some more people that were filled with what we all hide, but many of the people i know like that are struggling with their own identity and social issues and they dont have time or energy to meet me, so i guess ill be alone, at least i have a couple rocks on my side.
Thats what ill call us, we are rocks, because just like rocks, we travel all over and get grided up and reformed into different shapes with billions of smaller peices of thought rolled up into us, and we sit, we just sit and think, cuz thats all we really know how to do
holy shit i wrote a lot, if you read to the end of THIS one i cant even tell ya, i love you more everyday, you can have all the suckers in the whole wide world if you want them