fuckin frustrated.
first of all i find it kind of pathetic that i couldn't find the post option for a second to even write this mother fucker...
secondly this is going to get intense...so read at ur own risk..if ur reading at all.
hmm...so this is more for myself than for my lj followers so i don't feel i should have to give backround information.
i love him...and i don't know how to tell him. and i think hes afraid...and i don't know how to talk to him...i just want to get plastered in the middle of lots of trees where no one can find me..and just tell him...but i wouldn't even be able to say it out loud...i don't think i'd be able to say it at all because then i think he'd think i was crazy. i just wish i could get him to realize it would be great...it would be better than before...hell before was good i don't know why it should have to be better. i've just never felt this way about anyone else. its been a freakin year since we dated...a whole fucking year...i should be able to be over him by now...i just wish i had the guts to say something to him. but i don't. because i'm crazy. and i don't wnat him to think i'm crazy. and i want to hang on to that little glimmer of hope...those last 'what ifs'. that last chance that everything will turn out ok...i don't want to loose the last little bit of faith left that i have left concerning men and my chance with them. if i don't get him back eventually i'll go downhill...i can feel it now. i'll never put an ounce of effort into finding someone else...u wanna know why? because i've tried and its gone wrong too many different ways. i didn't even really like any of them. i just wanted someone to be with to take away the emptiness and the pain. god damn it! if i dont do something soon i'm going to be eaten alive by this...
ok sry that needed to be done since no one wanted to sit and drink beer with me.... thanks for letting me vent oh faithful lj...i just wish u could drink beer too.
secondly this is going to get intense...so read at ur own risk..if ur reading at all.
hmm...so this is more for myself than for my lj followers so i don't feel i should have to give backround information.
i love him...and i don't know how to tell him. and i think hes afraid...and i don't know how to talk to him...i just want to get plastered in the middle of lots of trees where no one can find me..and just tell him...but i wouldn't even be able to say it out loud...i don't think i'd be able to say it at all because then i think he'd think i was crazy. i just wish i could get him to realize it would be great...it would be better than before...hell before was good i don't know why it should have to be better. i've just never felt this way about anyone else. its been a freakin year since we dated...a whole fucking year...i should be able to be over him by now...i just wish i had the guts to say something to him. but i don't. because i'm crazy. and i don't wnat him to think i'm crazy. and i want to hang on to that little glimmer of hope...those last 'what ifs'. that last chance that everything will turn out ok...i don't want to loose the last little bit of faith left that i have left concerning men and my chance with them. if i don't get him back eventually i'll go downhill...i can feel it now. i'll never put an ounce of effort into finding someone else...u wanna know why? because i've tried and its gone wrong too many different ways. i didn't even really like any of them. i just wanted someone to be with to take away the emptiness and the pain. god damn it! if i dont do something soon i'm going to be eaten alive by this...
ok sry that needed to be done since no one wanted to sit and drink beer with me.... thanks for letting me vent oh faithful lj...i just wish u could drink beer too.