(no subject)
Well my first week of band camp is almost over and I have to admit that I'm not really sure if I like it or not... I dunno if its because I am so used to High School and Andress that I have really high expectations or what but part of me doesnt' want to be there everyday. MAybe I just have to get used to it and maybe once band camp is over it will get better... guess we will just have to wait and see. But regardless I am going to stick it out until the end of the semester because I made a promise and I am not a quitter! So yeah... I have meet a few cool people but I still want to get to know some more people... probably once actual band camp is over and we start learning the shows I will get to know more people... I hope so.
I have been kinda down the past few days... I dunno why... I have just had a lot on my mind and I can't seem to get it outta my mind no matter how hard I try... I haven't been sleeping very well and when I do sleep all I have is bad dreams... I don't know what is going on with me... but I dunno.... I'll be fine.. it will get better... I just have to keep telling myself that.
But anyways... I start school next monday and I'm nervous about that too... I guess I am just afriad of change... I mean I have had things a certain way fot so long that now I;m afriad of what else it out there... I must admit though that I have been a whole hell of a lot happier since I gradtuated... there is certain bullshit that I don't have to worry about anymore and there is really no drama to deal with which is awesome... I am just going through a rough patch right now.
Plus Gilbert and me got into a big fight last night and I can't help but think about it... I don't know if I was wrong in the way I was acting and the things I said but I feel horribel about it... I know that I should be honest with him and I was.. I just feel it is bad for me to say and act the way I did... its like even though we aren't dating and we are just friends I feel that there is a certain level of commitment that we have toward each other but maybe I'm the only one who feels that... I just don't want to hold him back from anything and I feel that I am sometimes... I dunno...
I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now... like everytime I try to escape something else just seems to happen... its like right now I can't seem to do anything right in anyones eyeses (espcially Gilbert at times)... Sometimes I jsut want to lock myself in my room for a few days and just lie in my bed and sleep and think... but I know that isn't possible... hopefully the weekend will refresh me and make feel better.... maybe I am just suffering from lack of sleep but I dunno...
Well yeah... I dunno what else to say so I guess I am done now... thanks for reading guys!
love you all
I have been kinda down the past few days... I dunno why... I have just had a lot on my mind and I can't seem to get it outta my mind no matter how hard I try... I haven't been sleeping very well and when I do sleep all I have is bad dreams... I don't know what is going on with me... but I dunno.... I'll be fine.. it will get better... I just have to keep telling myself that.
But anyways... I start school next monday and I'm nervous about that too... I guess I am just afriad of change... I mean I have had things a certain way fot so long that now I;m afriad of what else it out there... I must admit though that I have been a whole hell of a lot happier since I gradtuated... there is certain bullshit that I don't have to worry about anymore and there is really no drama to deal with which is awesome... I am just going through a rough patch right now.
Plus Gilbert and me got into a big fight last night and I can't help but think about it... I don't know if I was wrong in the way I was acting and the things I said but I feel horribel about it... I know that I should be honest with him and I was.. I just feel it is bad for me to say and act the way I did... its like even though we aren't dating and we are just friends I feel that there is a certain level of commitment that we have toward each other but maybe I'm the only one who feels that... I just don't want to hold him back from anything and I feel that I am sometimes... I dunno...
I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now... like everytime I try to escape something else just seems to happen... its like right now I can't seem to do anything right in anyones eyeses (espcially Gilbert at times)... Sometimes I jsut want to lock myself in my room for a few days and just lie in my bed and sleep and think... but I know that isn't possible... hopefully the weekend will refresh me and make feel better.... maybe I am just suffering from lack of sleep but I dunno...
Well yeah... I dunno what else to say so I guess I am done now... thanks for reading guys!
love you all