that's what makes it beautiful.
i'm not focused enough for sleep tonight, i can't keep my mind on the book that's supposed to put me to sleep. i wish he'd call me back, i hope he does. it's still early but it feels like four a.m. somehow. just without the pretty sky. i miss sitting in this chair for hours just watching the sky changing, or the rain falling. school has officially ruined me.
i'm trying to start fresh. i know i won't get a chance to re-do this year, but it's early enough to not demolish the rest of it. it can't possibly be this dark out already. these should have been the worst few months of my life, but they haven't been. considering all that's happened, i'm still fairly happy.
i'm ashamed of myself for lowering my standards to those of a few of my classmates, but i'll get over it eventually. for now, i'll just keep cutting, because i'm sick of all the drama. i don't care if i've caused it, i'm finishing it for myself. i've made mistakes and i have to live with them, but i won't take the blame for yours. i'm a girl now, but give me a week or two and i'll be back. i'm wavering. now i've chosen sides and it's the one that no one else is on. don't turn me into one of them. i can't run away to a new school because that's too easy. all i can do is stop being so stupid. revenge doesn't get you anywhere. if i have to start from nothing i guess i'll do it. i've done it so many times, but it's been so long, i think i'm out of practice. the only person i want to apologize to is myself, for turning into everything i hate. i'm doing my best to go back.
i'm trying to start fresh. i know i won't get a chance to re-do this year, but it's early enough to not demolish the rest of it. it can't possibly be this dark out already. these should have been the worst few months of my life, but they haven't been. considering all that's happened, i'm still fairly happy.
i'm ashamed of myself for lowering my standards to those of a few of my classmates, but i'll get over it eventually. for now, i'll just keep cutting, because i'm sick of all the drama. i don't care if i've caused it, i'm finishing it for myself. i've made mistakes and i have to live with them, but i won't take the blame for yours. i'm a girl now, but give me a week or two and i'll be back. i'm wavering. now i've chosen sides and it's the one that no one else is on. don't turn me into one of them. i can't run away to a new school because that's too easy. all i can do is stop being so stupid. revenge doesn't get you anywhere. if i have to start from nothing i guess i'll do it. i've done it so many times, but it's been so long, i think i'm out of practice. the only person i want to apologize to is myself, for turning into everything i hate. i'm doing my best to go back.