help me

[_rayne_sama_]

I fucking missed the anniversary of Dad's death. Fuck. What kind of person am I? And get this, no one said anything to me. No one reminded me, no one asked me if I was alright that day, no one fucking cared. It's not their responsibility, but do I really come off as that unemotional? That apathetic? I don't think I've ever gotten a hug on his anniversary and I remember that being one of the only things I wanted every year on Feb 12th. That, and my dad back.

I miss him more than anything. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him, that I don't think about him. I can truly say that I lost the one person that I looked up to, no matter how fucked up he was. Dad was the only one that I have confidence that accepted me for who I was no matter what. Even now, I think he would accept me. Fuck.

fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck

I don't know what to do. Am I so devastated that I forgot? Or am I so devastated that three years ago this week, my mom told me that my dad was dead. Three years ago Feb 12th I figured out that I would never see my dad again. He would never call me his "baby girl" again. He would never call me Jacquelynn just to have fun at me. The people I'm close to would never know this person that has effected me, that I loved so much.

I DIDN'T CALL MY SISTER. Someone kill me. No joke. Just take a gun and put it to my head. I'm such a shitty person. Fuck I don't deserve to live.