(no subject)
well.. today has been quite the upsetting day... lately i been super sad and angry with life.. noting is right or good.. and it shouldnt be.. im not sure why tho.. but today was the end.. it was the cherry on top.. i went to school and had a melt down in the middle of the hall and everyone was looking at me as if i was a freak.. and i jsut cried and had a fit.. and my best friend didnt do anything really to make me feel better.. and i knew.. that i had no one in my life.. when i do! i have so many people in my life.. ive just been so upset lately.. that no one knows how to make me happy anymore.. my own boyfriend is noticing that im sadder and angrier, i have been just like secluding myself to my room forever.. and its just been so bad.. and i came home.. and just flipped.. i just flipped out on my mom and cried and cried for like 2 hours.. so i decided to go see what the heck is wrong with me... and i went to a lady ho helps me.. im not crazy tho... and she asked me all these questions.. and diagnosed me with depression..... i cried.. and she was like. .why are u crying maryann.. and i told her how only crazy people are depressed... and she sorta laughed.. and apparently like 75 percent of the population have depressio and only half of those people get help.. so im like the couragious one, to get help... its so messed up tho... like.. i cant be depressed.. im suppose to be the happy cheerful one in the world.. not the sad angry DEPRESSED.. like i still cant get over that.. like.. that is a gross word... only homeless people are depressed cuz they have nothing in life.. and only like parents that have out of control kids are depressed... so i dunno.. i have a doctors appointment on tuesday for medication and shit.. but like.. medications.. and i have to go to a fucking lady to tell her my problems.. but shes not a shrikkn... cuz im not crazy.. omg.. i feel crazy tho.. like only crazies are on medication and have to go to a shrink and tlel themtheir problems.. i am not telling anyone.. i havent even told my boufruend im losing my mind.. ugh.. im such aloser.. and its not official.. im a clinically sad loser... like how much better can it get... omg.. im definitly at an all time low.. and of course no one is home tonite. so im all bby myself.. depressed.. with no one.. and i dont even want to go out.. im all like.. alone and mad but happy that im alone.. like how fucked up is that! i dunno... i dont wanna talk about this anymore.. bbye