Everyone else is doing it...
Ever been to the mall lately? Everyone looks the same. All the girls look the same, except for me, of course. I must have missed the memo about unoriginality being in.
I haven’t been to Abercrombie and Fitch ever in my life before the other day. And you know what, one of the manikins looked exactly like one of my classmates! The total outfit cost $159.99 by the way. I spent more time figuring out who had what shirts than I did shopping. In fact, I didn’t buy anything.
I also spent some time outlining what the memo I missed must have said. There must have been one for girls, and one for guys. So here’s what I came up with…
GUYS:
(From the bottom up.) Shoes from Journey’s. White socks from American Eagle. Pants two sizes too big. Leather belt, and what is better to top of your lower half than some boxers from Abercrombie and Fitch? Next, layer a graphic tee (more than $15) underneath a collared shirt from Express for Men. Grow out your hair so it is considered “shaggy”. Get a LIVESTRONG bracelet or any other clichéd bracelet.
You now look like every other guy in the country. Congratulations.
GIRLS:
Clogs from Journey’s, and cute socks that don’t match. It would be psychedelic if both pairs of socks were more than $10 seeing as your toes are going to wear holes through them anyways. Make sure your panties match your bra, it’s so much fun to show them off while sitting down at lunch! Wear size one pants… even if you’re a size 16 and have a huge belt awning, it’ll feel good just to tell everyone that you can fit into one’s! Wear an off the shoulder belly shirt. Everyone should be able to see your bra strap. Wear a shelly necklace. Mask your face with make-up so it looks like you went to Florida and got punched between the eyes. No more blemishes! Hair should be straight, stuck to your head, and worn long.
Other tips for "being cool" are as follows:
GUYS: Eat as much as possible. Work out as much as possible. Have sex as much as possible. Tell everyone you know when you score. Play football or basketball.
GIRLS: Eat nothing. Complain about being fat constantly. Get into catty fights. Get in on all the latest gossip. You shouldn’t be left out of anything! Piss and moan about having no boy when you’re single. Piss and moan about having a commitment.
Last but not least, have no sense of oneself, individualism, and creativeness. Blend with the crowd at all times, and shop at only these stores:
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
And who could forget
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
I haven’t been to Abercrombie and Fitch ever in my life before the other day. And you know what, one of the manikins looked exactly like one of my classmates! The total outfit cost $159.99 by the way. I spent more time figuring out who had what shirts than I did shopping. In fact, I didn’t buy anything.
I also spent some time outlining what the memo I missed must have said. There must have been one for girls, and one for guys. So here’s what I came up with…
GUYS:
(From the bottom up.) Shoes from Journey’s. White socks from American Eagle. Pants two sizes too big. Leather belt, and what is better to top of your lower half than some boxers from Abercrombie and Fitch? Next, layer a graphic tee (more than $15) underneath a collared shirt from Express for Men. Grow out your hair so it is considered “shaggy”. Get a LIVESTRONG bracelet or any other clichéd bracelet.
You now look like every other guy in the country. Congratulations.
GIRLS:
Clogs from Journey’s, and cute socks that don’t match. It would be psychedelic if both pairs of socks were more than $10 seeing as your toes are going to wear holes through them anyways. Make sure your panties match your bra, it’s so much fun to show them off while sitting down at lunch! Wear size one pants… even if you’re a size 16 and have a huge belt awning, it’ll feel good just to tell everyone that you can fit into one’s! Wear an off the shoulder belly shirt. Everyone should be able to see your bra strap. Wear a shelly necklace. Mask your face with make-up so it looks like you went to Florida and got punched between the eyes. No more blemishes! Hair should be straight, stuck to your head, and worn long.
Other tips for "being cool" are as follows:
GUYS: Eat as much as possible. Work out as much as possible. Have sex as much as possible. Tell everyone you know when you score. Play football or basketball.
GIRLS: Eat nothing. Complain about being fat constantly. Get into catty fights. Get in on all the latest gossip. You shouldn’t be left out of anything! Piss and moan about having no boy when you’re single. Piss and moan about having a commitment.
Last but not least, have no sense of oneself, individualism, and creativeness. Blend with the crowd at all times, and shop at only these stores:
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH
And who could forget
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH