(no subject)

[_pleiades]

i can no longer use this to write.
my words..
my eyes are a joke.
Im not so sure i want to know where to find them.
my mind is at sea-
i can feel my stomach's digestion
realism is not eternal-
it comes in waves
and im sitting at the shore dipping my feet
rocking with the earth's water.
perhaps words are like lies.
my november is blessed with such honesty-
it's difficult to express obscurity
in blatant truth.

I should have warned you-
forgive me for the future.
i know you'll regret this feeling
forgive me
im so sorry ..

It was a constant dread for the future with him. That dread which formed such memories; i believe now they are fabricated- i do know the air though
it is the oxygen that reaches my brain-
that drive. warm bodies.. yours and mine i feel them at night as i dig in deep- though pillows offer no comfort and i fall in my dreams nonetheless.

the present is the jagged key and i fear it does not fit my lock.
bodies tremble
mine rocks
back and forth with
heavy wholeness

i'll shower myself in the sand of this beach
ancient water, ancient memories
destined to masochism
and it is the last love i would ever give up.
"pre-determined female masochism"
we were destined
as little girls andgirlsandteenagegirls and adults and women- we were..

i wish i was not the one in control with this
i never liked knowing what was to happen
i cannot be nostalgic about what i knew would happen
it becomes over-worked before it even begins
im telling you to stop reading -
and please forgive me for my plans
forgive me for knowing this before it even began..
i've been here before
she knows-