(no subject)
The end of my day and I'm not so enthused. Actually, reality is starting to settle in and I'm shit scared. It's funny, because besides Nina, who moved out of home as a young lass of sixteen, and who at the time I wasn't so talkative with, and Faith, who has moved out with her boyfriend, I don't know anyone my age who has actually left home because they wanted too. Who has actually made the choice to live alone.
I mean, how insane am I? When Faith called me with the offer, I didn't hesitiate to say yes. I mean, who wouldn't? I've been toying with the idea of moving out since I was 18, not for any real reason but that I could. The origional idea was to move into my sisters place, but they've done it up so nice I'd havta be on a salary like theirs to be able to live in it. And now that I've not got any flatmates to move out with.... that's just so not going to happen.
I got told the other day that I looked fifteen. FIFTEEN! I'll admit now that I probably feel that old. Being thrust into the world of adulthood when I still snuggle up to my mothers side for a cuddle when I'm feeling sad. Which, mind you, is fairly frequent these days. Can I take care of myself? This is a joke. I'm a joke.
I can't even be content with the love of my best friend. We all know it's because I don't feel like I deserve it, even if she'd tell me otherwise. I don't, for the most part, believe in deserving something - but I believe in karma, so I know that all this messed up feeling is 'cause of what I did.
I'm giving up my comfort willingly, knowing with every step that I really don't want too, that I would love to stay in this warm cocoon of my home for the rest of my life..
When there are people out there who have been thrust into it, without a questioned being asked to them if they want it.... while they can only hope to dream of what I've got.
God I wish I could get over myself and grow up.....