every night i cry, every night i think, why did i throw it all away?
so hey. how is everyone doing today?
well school was a drag as usual. i'm not doing too well. i want to do better but i really just can't bring myself to do it. i can't believe i was once a straight-A student, it's so fucking hard!!
after school joy and i decided to be crazily out of the ordinary, and went to starbucks, rather than gino's like we do every day. literally. we had some good fraps and some good talking. thanks joy, i know i can count on you to be my dock ;)
[censored because i'm nice like that](12:45:24 AM): just kill me save me the pain of loveing some one i cant love
really, just shut up. 1, you can't control how you feel about someone. 2, you talk trash about this person every day. anyway, moving on.
coming home was just lovely. after some sleeping and some screaming, i was also informed that people are concerned with my issues. a certain someone found out about some certain things and wasn't exaclty happy. i was informed that i'm 'falling away from myself', and that my 'destructive behaviors' aren't helping my problems, but are only making me more depressed. apparently it wasn't just this certain someone, but some other people have been worrying about me and telling eachother about my issues but of course not talking to me about them. i'm not going to be insensitive and ask why people can't just mind their own business, because i know you're doing the right thing and trying to help me and all. but i can deal with my own damn issues, i have been for quite some time. and i don't understand how my actions affect anyone else either, because it's my life, i'm the bad person here, not you. and i'm sorry if i hurt anyone by changing, but that's what happens to people, they change. and if this bothers you, then tell me that. people aren't too good at this. it's like hm, lets make up for me ignoring you and bombard you all at once about why what you're doing is wrong. sorry, but this isn't helping. it just sends me on guilt trips that aren't going to get me anywhere. honestly, if you're going to be distanced and pretend everything is fine, then don't just suddenly come at me with all these accusations. and i'd appreciate it if my problems weren't posted on xangas for the world to see, so that everyone can be tuned into personal life, and THEN, after you've broadcasted it to the universe, then you consult me about it. it's not exactly indearing to find out your best friend is unhappy with you through a xanga. i'm not mad though, so don't anybody get their panties in a bunch. i appreciate your concern. but there is one thing- the fuckin gossip thats been going around about me, that pisses me off. people should talk to ME about me, not eachother. apparently i smoke like a chimney, during all my spare time i'm doing drugs, and i shoplift regurlarly. oh and i forgot to mention i'm an alcoholic. i hate how people twist shit around. if you hear something about me, don't spread it around, ask me about it. and teresa, i know that you did that, so thank you.
anyway. i know this entry makes it seem like i'm angry and resentful, but really i'm not. i know that you're trying to help, but honestly, it's too late.
love always,
cat
well school was a drag as usual. i'm not doing too well. i want to do better but i really just can't bring myself to do it. i can't believe i was once a straight-A student, it's so fucking hard!!
after school joy and i decided to be crazily out of the ordinary, and went to starbucks, rather than gino's like we do every day. literally. we had some good fraps and some good talking. thanks joy, i know i can count on you to be my dock ;)
[censored because i'm nice like that](12:45:24 AM): just kill me save me the pain of loveing some one i cant love
really, just shut up. 1, you can't control how you feel about someone. 2, you talk trash about this person every day. anyway, moving on.
coming home was just lovely. after some sleeping and some screaming, i was also informed that people are concerned with my issues. a certain someone found out about some certain things and wasn't exaclty happy. i was informed that i'm 'falling away from myself', and that my 'destructive behaviors' aren't helping my problems, but are only making me more depressed. apparently it wasn't just this certain someone, but some other people have been worrying about me and telling eachother about my issues but of course not talking to me about them. i'm not going to be insensitive and ask why people can't just mind their own business, because i know you're doing the right thing and trying to help me and all. but i can deal with my own damn issues, i have been for quite some time. and i don't understand how my actions affect anyone else either, because it's my life, i'm the bad person here, not you. and i'm sorry if i hurt anyone by changing, but that's what happens to people, they change. and if this bothers you, then tell me that. people aren't too good at this. it's like hm, lets make up for me ignoring you and bombard you all at once about why what you're doing is wrong. sorry, but this isn't helping. it just sends me on guilt trips that aren't going to get me anywhere. honestly, if you're going to be distanced and pretend everything is fine, then don't just suddenly come at me with all these accusations. and i'd appreciate it if my problems weren't posted on xangas for the world to see, so that everyone can be tuned into personal life, and THEN, after you've broadcasted it to the universe, then you consult me about it. it's not exactly indearing to find out your best friend is unhappy with you through a xanga. i'm not mad though, so don't anybody get their panties in a bunch. i appreciate your concern. but there is one thing- the fuckin gossip thats been going around about me, that pisses me off. people should talk to ME about me, not eachother. apparently i smoke like a chimney, during all my spare time i'm doing drugs, and i shoplift regurlarly. oh and i forgot to mention i'm an alcoholic. i hate how people twist shit around. if you hear something about me, don't spread it around, ask me about it. and teresa, i know that you did that, so thank you.
anyway. i know this entry makes it seem like i'm angry and resentful, but really i'm not. i know that you're trying to help, but honestly, it's too late.
love always,
cat