the sky looks so bright tonight, but not from this window of mine.
Today I went to work at the wonderful Primark. Having walked there in the rain (which I was glad of owing to the stupid amount of sunshine we've had lately) I spent the day with frizzy hair. But I had a rivetting day stacking underwear and poking the padded bras. Carl said he'd come visit me at work today. He didn't. Sean said he'd come visit me at work today. He didn't. Carl's still ignoring my calls anyway, apparently I've done something wrong, but I haven't, so I refuse to feel guilty. Can't be bothered right now. I've been texting Tom tonight (the guy I met in Scream on Thursday night) and we're going to meet up before he goes travelling around Europe. It's insane because I shared a mere ten minutes or so with him in a noisy club, and we were both extremely drunk, yet I feel sort of close to him. He's a very interesting person, I'd like to find out more about him.
The rain makes me sad, even though I find it incredibly calming. My mind began to feel peaceful when I was watching the rain this evening, and I encountered mutual antagonism, because I didn't know if I wanted to feel it. I wish I did. Whenever it used to rain I used to go and walk in the woods by my house and meditate, listening to Not Applicable on my CD walkman. I'm sad that I no longer desire to feel peaceful. That I no longer feel driven to find some solace in a world overrun with hatred and greed. I think I've had so much anger inside me, and I've maintained such a passive personality for years, and I'm only now letting all the frustation out, perhaps. I really hope I overcome it and locate some more inspiration. I miss the old me, even if not many other people do. I think I just need to do more... if I don't spend my nights binge drinking and/or ploughing my body with drugs and loud music, I spend them online. Sitting staring at a screen, talking to a computer. It's quite depressing really. I want a reform... I want to turn back in my mind to a few chapters ago, I want to employ compassion and live, and not have to drink/smoke/take pills to do so. I am going to do something with my life.
The rain makes me sad, even though I find it incredibly calming. My mind began to feel peaceful when I was watching the rain this evening, and I encountered mutual antagonism, because I didn't know if I wanted to feel it. I wish I did. Whenever it used to rain I used to go and walk in the woods by my house and meditate, listening to Not Applicable on my CD walkman. I'm sad that I no longer desire to feel peaceful. That I no longer feel driven to find some solace in a world overrun with hatred and greed. I think I've had so much anger inside me, and I've maintained such a passive personality for years, and I'm only now letting all the frustation out, perhaps. I really hope I overcome it and locate some more inspiration. I miss the old me, even if not many other people do. I think I just need to do more... if I don't spend my nights binge drinking and/or ploughing my body with drugs and loud music, I spend them online. Sitting staring at a screen, talking to a computer. It's quite depressing really. I want a reform... I want to turn back in my mind to a few chapters ago, I want to employ compassion and live, and not have to drink/smoke/take pills to do so. I am going to do something with my life.