(no subject)
some nights you know you're going to go to bed sobbing as soon as the covers hit your shoulders. as your nails dig into the extra pillow next to you, you know it's going to be smells, and cold, and brain spinning.
so you sit awake staring blankly into the blue glow of the television, occasionally furrowing your brow, working on progressive wrinkles before you're 30. the ones that say you didn't smile enough. you're a fucking asshole for being so negative all the time. furrow. frown.
such a productive day. i bet anyone would have thought, awww she's moving on. she's gonna be ok. but most of it was worry and breathing exercises. and faking it. and bad mouthing him in my brain.
and making excuses for myself.
'planet earth' is on in the background. planet earth. where did i come up with this definition of what my life is supposed to be?
a million others and i am locking myself in. torture. get married. have baby. get fat. think less. talk even less. cat tied to a stick that's driven into frozen winter shit
should sleep
so you sit awake staring blankly into the blue glow of the television, occasionally furrowing your brow, working on progressive wrinkles before you're 30. the ones that say you didn't smile enough. you're a fucking asshole for being so negative all the time. furrow. frown.
such a productive day. i bet anyone would have thought, awww she's moving on. she's gonna be ok. but most of it was worry and breathing exercises. and faking it. and bad mouthing him in my brain.
and making excuses for myself.
'planet earth' is on in the background. planet earth. where did i come up with this definition of what my life is supposed to be?
a million others and i am locking myself in. torture. get married. have baby. get fat. think less. talk even less. cat tied to a stick that's driven into frozen winter shit
should sleep