Day 24/26: Just Trying To Suck It Up Now
It just hurts. Ya know? To the point of hurting physically. Short of breath. Chest aches. Heartbreak. Just lonely.
He can go out with his buddies and drink and be distracted.
I don't have that luxury. Unless I want to be at a bar by myself. And I know myself. And I know how dangerous that can be.
No, I'm not going to make him stay home and drown in my sadness. I'd rather be a short-term jerk so he'll leave, than make him stay in and ruin his whole night.
That's why sometimes it's easier to not talk to him, especially if it's for a short second. Those hurt the most because it's like, "Alright, well we're doing the opposite thing right now and just rubbing that in your face. I'm gonna go have a blast and go cray on St. Patty's night while you're stuck at home, alone."
Yeah. That's what it feels like. Even though I know that's not your intention.
So close, yet so far. Just trying to put some guards up tonight. It's painful enough.
What makes him a good best bud is that he called, even when I told him not to, and he offered to stay in.
What makes me a good best bud is that I told him not to, even though I secretly wanted him to.
All I needed was him to offer and that's how I know he's a true best bud. Not just someone who says "best bud".
He can go out with his buddies and drink and be distracted.
I don't have that luxury. Unless I want to be at a bar by myself. And I know myself. And I know how dangerous that can be.
No, I'm not going to make him stay home and drown in my sadness. I'd rather be a short-term jerk so he'll leave, than make him stay in and ruin his whole night.
That's why sometimes it's easier to not talk to him, especially if it's for a short second. Those hurt the most because it's like, "Alright, well we're doing the opposite thing right now and just rubbing that in your face. I'm gonna go have a blast and go cray on St. Patty's night while you're stuck at home, alone."
Yeah. That's what it feels like. Even though I know that's not your intention.
So close, yet so far. Just trying to put some guards up tonight. It's painful enough.
What makes him a good best bud is that he called, even when I told him not to, and he offered to stay in.
What makes me a good best bud is that I told him not to, even though I secretly wanted him to.
All I needed was him to offer and that's how I know he's a true best bud. Not just someone who says "best bud".