Love
Love is a choice. It is the choice to stick with someone even after you fall out of "that feeling". Feelings come and go and come back again. But to be in love is to commit to someone, to tell them that you want to be there. To love someone is to accept them for who they are, especially after 3 years. This really kills me because it's been over 3 years and he knows me. He knows that I accept him for who he is and all the wrong he's done to me. When you find someone who'll do that for you, keep them... because there aren't a lot of people out there who'll just accept all that.
I asked one of my closest friends the other day, "If you tell someone you love them, and they don't say it back.. how long do you wait to move on?" His first response was, "That's a heavy one...." and then a couple days later he responded, "Until you stop feeling it from them. Actions > words." This is what keeps me.
I understand what he means about not forcing or rushing it. But like I said, it's been 3 years. He knows me by now. I give him everything I could possible give. How can he not see that? He told me, "The person I fell in love with was strong and could handle her stuff." Just because I cry to him when things get rough for me, he thinks I'm not strong. Tears don't equal weakness. I'm strong, I've been handling my stuff since day one. Sure, I get overwhelmed every now and again. But I'm still alive, haven't committed suicide, stopped drinking my issues away, haven't taken any other drugs, etc. Couldn't have made it this far, doing all that I do, being responsible for all that I am, without having been strong. Tears and pain are weaknesses leaving my body. Sometimes you just need a good ass cry to let it all go and to come back and focus.
He's not perfect, either. He's got flaws. He's got the biggest pot of pride I've ever known a person to have -- I think this is the big thing that holds him back from opening up his heart to me. He can be so full of himself sometimes. He doesn't always give just to give, he has to see some benefit for himself. He's not exactly the most comforting or supportive person out there. He knows how I want to be comforted and he still gets it wrong sometimes. But he treats me like a queen, he protects his own, he gives even when he has nothing more to give. He motivates me and makes me want to keep reaching for more. And at least he tries to comfort me, even if it is in his own way. I know the intentions are good.
But I guess in the end, I'd rather have the actions then just the words. It's just... hard... at times. Who wants to be with someone, who after three years, gave his heart and took it back. If there's no love... what is there, really? That's all I want for Christmas. I don't need jewelry, watches, gift cards... I don't need any of that. I just want to know he loves me. I just want to be able to put that ring back on that he gave me. But like I said, the actions are always more than the words. I guess.
Now, now, n-now, honey, (why?)
You better sit down and look around (Why? Why?),
Cause you must've bumped yo' head! (Dumb...)
And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby. (You..)
I'd hate to see you come home (love...),
Me, the kids, and the dog is gone. (me...)
Check my credentials:
I give you everything you want, everything you need; (Everything you need - Why?)
Even your friends say I'm a good woman! (Why?)
Now, all I need to know is, why? (Why?)
Why don't you love me? (Love me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me, (Why don't you love me?)
When I make me so damn easy to love? (To love...)
Wh-wh-wh-why don't you need me? (Need me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me, (Why don't you need me?)
When I make me so damn easy to need? (To need, to need me...)
I got beauty, I got class,
I got style, and I got a... - huh!
And you don't even care to care...
Looka here. I even put money in the bank account,
Don't have to ask no one to help me out;
You don't even notice that....
Why don't you love me? (Love me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me, (Why don't you love me?)
When I make me so damn easy to love? (Easy, to love me, l-l-love me, love me)
And why don't you need me? (Need me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me,
When I make me so damn easy to need?
I got beauty, I got heart;
Keep my head in them books, I'm sharp!
But you don't care to know I'm smart...
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now,
I got moves in your bedroom,
Keep you happy with the nasty things I do,
But you don't seem to be in tuned... (Ooh...)
Why don't you love me? (Love me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me, (Why don't you love me?)
When I make me so damn easy to love? (Easy, to love me, l-l-love me, love me)
Hey, yeah... why don't you need me? (Need me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me,
When I make me so damn easy to need?
(Nothin' not to love about me...)
There's nothing not to love about me;
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me...
(No, nothin' not to love about me...)
I'm lovely...
There's nothing not to need about me;
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me...
(Nothin' not to need about me!)
Maybe you're just not the one,
Or maybe you're just plain...
DUMB! (DUMB! DUMB!)
I asked one of my closest friends the other day, "If you tell someone you love them, and they don't say it back.. how long do you wait to move on?" His first response was, "That's a heavy one...." and then a couple days later he responded, "Until you stop feeling it from them. Actions > words." This is what keeps me.
I understand what he means about not forcing or rushing it. But like I said, it's been 3 years. He knows me by now. I give him everything I could possible give. How can he not see that? He told me, "The person I fell in love with was strong and could handle her stuff." Just because I cry to him when things get rough for me, he thinks I'm not strong. Tears don't equal weakness. I'm strong, I've been handling my stuff since day one. Sure, I get overwhelmed every now and again. But I'm still alive, haven't committed suicide, stopped drinking my issues away, haven't taken any other drugs, etc. Couldn't have made it this far, doing all that I do, being responsible for all that I am, without having been strong. Tears and pain are weaknesses leaving my body. Sometimes you just need a good ass cry to let it all go and to come back and focus.
He's not perfect, either. He's got flaws. He's got the biggest pot of pride I've ever known a person to have -- I think this is the big thing that holds him back from opening up his heart to me. He can be so full of himself sometimes. He doesn't always give just to give, he has to see some benefit for himself. He's not exactly the most comforting or supportive person out there. He knows how I want to be comforted and he still gets it wrong sometimes. But he treats me like a queen, he protects his own, he gives even when he has nothing more to give. He motivates me and makes me want to keep reaching for more. And at least he tries to comfort me, even if it is in his own way. I know the intentions are good.
But I guess in the end, I'd rather have the actions then just the words. It's just... hard... at times. Who wants to be with someone, who after three years, gave his heart and took it back. If there's no love... what is there, really? That's all I want for Christmas. I don't need jewelry, watches, gift cards... I don't need any of that. I just want to know he loves me. I just want to be able to put that ring back on that he gave me. But like I said, the actions are always more than the words. I guess.
Click to viewNow, now, n-now, honey, (why?)
You better sit down and look around (Why? Why?),
Cause you must've bumped yo' head! (Dumb...)
And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby. (You..)
I'd hate to see you come home (love...),
Me, the kids, and the dog is gone. (me...)
Check my credentials:
I give you everything you want, everything you need; (Everything you need - Why?)
Even your friends say I'm a good woman! (Why?)
Now, all I need to know is, why? (Why?)
Why don't you love me? (Love me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me, (Why don't you love me?)
When I make me so damn easy to love? (To love...)
Wh-wh-wh-why don't you need me? (Need me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me, (Why don't you need me?)
When I make me so damn easy to need? (To need, to need me...)
I got beauty, I got class,
I got style, and I got a... - huh!
And you don't even care to care...
Looka here. I even put money in the bank account,
Don't have to ask no one to help me out;
You don't even notice that....
Why don't you love me? (Love me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me, (Why don't you love me?)
When I make me so damn easy to love? (Easy, to love me, l-l-love me, love me)
And why don't you need me? (Need me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me,
When I make me so damn easy to need?
I got beauty, I got heart;
Keep my head in them books, I'm sharp!
But you don't care to know I'm smart...
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now,
I got moves in your bedroom,
Keep you happy with the nasty things I do,
But you don't seem to be in tuned... (Ooh...)
Why don't you love me? (Love me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me, (Why don't you love me?)
When I make me so damn easy to love? (Easy, to love me, l-l-love me, love me)
Hey, yeah... why don't you need me? (Need me...)
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me,
When I make me so damn easy to need?
(Nothin' not to love about me...)
There's nothing not to love about me;
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me...
(No, nothin' not to love about me...)
I'm lovely...
There's nothing not to need about me;
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me...
(Nothin' not to need about me!)
Maybe you're just not the one,
Or maybe you're just plain...
DUMB! (DUMB! DUMB!)