One of those "blah" moments...
He took the exam yesterday and went over my house when he was done. We played a little bit of his All Stars wrestling game and then went to Great Lakes Crossing. After that we had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack.
Today, I went over his house to give him a haircut and then we helped his mom get ready for her marriage encounter reunion thing and wow that was sooo tiring. We went to see Bad Teacher after... it had it's funny parts. It was just nice to be in a super cold area for a while. There was also a power outage in the middle of it, but they were able to get the movie going so we could finish it. Then we went back home to eat dinner and clean some more. Kuya Ray and fam finally came and we got to play with the babies. Then we went to his basketball game.
He took the exam yesterday and I was so excited to see him... but then when I did, I was just ok. I've been trying to brush it off, but I just haven't had one of those "in love" moments in a while. I know it must be annoying for him to see me look so sad or whatever... I'm not sad. Well maybe I am sad. I just miss how in love we used to be with each other. I cried a little last night. It's nothing major, but I just don't know. I feel like I have to look sad or mad or something for him to be affectionate with me. I'm just not happy. ::dramatic music:: *river of tears starts flowing*
Maybe I just feel unappreciated or something. I just feel shafted... always. I rarely try to put ideas out there of things for us to do because it pretty much never happens. And then he'll randomly say something like "We should go out" or whatever and get my hopes up.. and then disappoints. I wish he wouldn't just say random shit without thinking about it. I'm glad he's on break, I'd love to finally not feel on edge or feel like I have to walk on eggshells. Maybe I'm just exhausted from doing that for the past month or so. I keep trying to tell myself it'll all be worth it. I read blogs of medical student spouses who know what I'm going through. But sometimes I do wonder if it all will be worth it. I think the lack of being romantic plays a part, too. He thinks I'm such a horndog and I guess it's just hard being rejected so much in that way. Is that not supposed to lower my self-esteem? It's not that I even need that from him, but just some real good loving and affection. I haven't made out with him in the longest time. There was this one time... a long while back... where we just got done fighting or something and ended up making out. It felt sooooo good. He even commented, "We are so in tune" or something and I just felt so good about us.
I don't really know what I want or need right now. I just have all these weird feelings stirring up inside of me. Maybe it's just exhaustion from the past two days. Maybe I just expected more from break without really having a desire to do much.
Today, I went over his house to give him a haircut and then we helped his mom get ready for her marriage encounter reunion thing and wow that was sooo tiring. We went to see Bad Teacher after... it had it's funny parts. It was just nice to be in a super cold area for a while. There was also a power outage in the middle of it, but they were able to get the movie going so we could finish it. Then we went back home to eat dinner and clean some more. Kuya Ray and fam finally came and we got to play with the babies. Then we went to his basketball game.
He took the exam yesterday and I was so excited to see him... but then when I did, I was just ok. I've been trying to brush it off, but I just haven't had one of those "in love" moments in a while. I know it must be annoying for him to see me look so sad or whatever... I'm not sad. Well maybe I am sad. I just miss how in love we used to be with each other. I cried a little last night. It's nothing major, but I just don't know. I feel like I have to look sad or mad or something for him to be affectionate with me. I'm just not happy. ::dramatic music:: *river of tears starts flowing*
Maybe I just feel unappreciated or something. I just feel shafted... always. I rarely try to put ideas out there of things for us to do because it pretty much never happens. And then he'll randomly say something like "We should go out" or whatever and get my hopes up.. and then disappoints. I wish he wouldn't just say random shit without thinking about it. I'm glad he's on break, I'd love to finally not feel on edge or feel like I have to walk on eggshells. Maybe I'm just exhausted from doing that for the past month or so. I keep trying to tell myself it'll all be worth it. I read blogs of medical student spouses who know what I'm going through. But sometimes I do wonder if it all will be worth it. I think the lack of being romantic plays a part, too. He thinks I'm such a horndog and I guess it's just hard being rejected so much in that way. Is that not supposed to lower my self-esteem? It's not that I even need that from him, but just some real good loving and affection. I haven't made out with him in the longest time. There was this one time... a long while back... where we just got done fighting or something and ended up making out. It felt sooooo good. He even commented, "We are so in tune" or something and I just felt so good about us.
I don't really know what I want or need right now. I just have all these weird feelings stirring up inside of me. Maybe it's just exhaustion from the past two days. Maybe I just expected more from break without really having a desire to do much.