broken and taped up
I don't know if it's ok that I savor every fake smile that I force to feel real.
I don't know if it's ok if I go through the same cycles I tried to break.
I don't know if it's ok if I sleep for 13 hours and still want more.
I don't know if it's ok to hate my family. It's probably not.
I know it's not ok to think these things.
Fight. Sometimes I wanna take off the gloves.
Makes sense? Good.
I hate talking in riddles but it's hard to explain how I feel.
Happy, but I want to cry for some reason. I feel like I'm a forced happy, not a natural one? Sometimes I feel so inferior for little stupid reasons, beause I'm selfish. So it's my fault. And sometimes I feel so overwhelmed for dumb reasons. Like it's 11 and I have to practice a speech and do a packet and all I want to do is sleep and it's making me feel overwhelmed. I've had more. I've become infatuated with sleep after years of hating it. I don't like the way I'm writing right now. It's so chopped up, I guess like my thoughts. I feel so blah. It's weird how people now think I'm smart and I still feel so dumb. I guess I'm a living contradiction unwilling to verbalize it. Keep your mouth shut, it's the best way, I guess. Yea, that makes sense.
Today was a good day, I promise, Marie, if you reread this journal some day. Lots of laughs.
And I'm sorry. But sorries only go so far.
I don't know if it's ok if I go through the same cycles I tried to break.
I don't know if it's ok if I sleep for 13 hours and still want more.
I don't know if it's ok to hate my family. It's probably not.
I know it's not ok to think these things.
Fight. Sometimes I wanna take off the gloves.
Makes sense? Good.
I hate talking in riddles but it's hard to explain how I feel.
Happy, but I want to cry for some reason. I feel like I'm a forced happy, not a natural one? Sometimes I feel so inferior for little stupid reasons, beause I'm selfish. So it's my fault. And sometimes I feel so overwhelmed for dumb reasons. Like it's 11 and I have to practice a speech and do a packet and all I want to do is sleep and it's making me feel overwhelmed. I've had more. I've become infatuated with sleep after years of hating it. I don't like the way I'm writing right now. It's so chopped up, I guess like my thoughts. I feel so blah. It's weird how people now think I'm smart and I still feel so dumb. I guess I'm a living contradiction unwilling to verbalize it. Keep your mouth shut, it's the best way, I guess. Yea, that makes sense.
Today was a good day, I promise, Marie, if you reread this journal some day. Lots of laughs.
And I'm sorry. But sorries only go so far.