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Now that Obama El Dali Lama has won, I find myself in a position I never wanted to be in, don't like, and am very resentful that I have to defend from not only the black community but now the white community.
Let me set every single one of you straight before I type another thing.
I am MULTIracial. My father is WHITE. My mother is BLACK. They are MARRIED. I wasn't made OUT OF WEDLOCK (not that should matter anyway). My parents were married in the sixties, a time when interracial relationships were not common and still looked down upon (
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner). I grew up at a time when little mixed kids weren't the poster children for Gap ads. My family on my mother's side didn't like me much. Same could be said on my father's side. School wasn't much easier either. I attended both all white and all black schools. I was called a nigger in one, a honky in the other. At summer camp, councellors when filling out paperwork would always try to classify me. It seemed that everyone had a problem with my dual background.
Everyone but myself.
Let me go into a little more detail here if you will so indulge. On my mother's side its black (from slave days- make no doubt about it, my family on that side have been here a long time) as well as American Indian, Lakota Sioux to to be precise. On my father's side, English and Scottish however after doing some recent research that I have found out I am more French (my great, great, great grandfather came over from France in the late 1800's) than Scottish, and more Scottish than English.
If you look at me, you have a hard time placing me. A lot of people seem to mistake me for Latino.
But once again, make no mistake-
I AM MULTIRACIAL AND VERY PROUD OF THIS FACT.
And no man who was confused about his "identity" is going to define me.
Which is the very first moment, several years ago when I was on Obama's website when he was running for his SENATE seat (so kiss my ass people who think I dislike him just because Hillary lost- you are stupid. You probably didn't know his name or who he was four years ago.) and participating on his forums that I started to see what he was about and started to formulate my strong dislike of the man. I saw trouble a long time ago for people like me, who fight to not be defined or to be accepted as being of more than one race as opposed to the old time slave attitudes that has been accepted by most Americans, both white and black. Only in the last 15 years (15!!) have Americans been allowed to pick more than one race on most government forms as opposed to choosing or denying the genetic contribution of the other parent.
Let me explain to you where that "one drop" rule came from- it was a form of control so that slave owners when they slept with their slaves could still put the child of the union in the field and deny them a right to inheritance.
If that isn't a backwards view, I don't know what is. Yet it persists in 2008- gap baby ads and all!
So it's taken all this time to finally get the United States to allow a person like me to represent myself exactly as I am and now I am having to fight fights I used to have to only occasionally fight. It seems that the "white" people are now emboldened to say things that perhaps they only thought (and I mean those so-called "liberated" ones) where as I usually have only have had to have this discussion on a regular basis with black people who think that I am trying to "pass" or be a "traitor to my kind".
I hate this shit. I hate it. I hate it. And I thought it was getting better until the moment Obama stepped on the scene and pulled the political stunt when it came to race that would bring the house down.
So I am glad if you feel that the US has turned a corner when it comes to race relations but you would be sadly mistaken. We've only proven "separate, but equal". It proves only that no matter what, you can only be one or the other because the world would end if we acknowledged that maybe a black person and a white person produced another PERSON who is the sum of it's parts and not one or the other but BOTH. It's only in humans that we do this shit (and it seems even more an
American Affliction, which probably explains why I want to move to the
UK so badly) where people are classified by "drops". It makes me sick and anyone who buys into it, I hate with an unbridled passion because it only proves to me that for all the love of equality and people are the same, deep down they are full of shit and one is still the "other" because if you didn't deep down think people are different, then there could be a "both".
So spare me why I don't like Obama (or Hallie Berry for that matter). To me, yes it IS personal. For anyone to question who they are based on what color their parents are instead of just accept that they are alive and a product of both disturbs me immensely. What disturbs me even more is that now we have a president who is buying into this crap and Americans are notoriously swayed by flashing lights on tv and what is thrown at them and adopt a group-think mentality instead of really questioning things to the deepest level.
My life is already hard as a woman. It just got harder as a PROUDLY MULTIRACIAL woman.
I can't fight MTV, YouTube, or the Media. Once spoken, things spread like wildfire.
Again, I saw this long before anyone knew who Obama was outside of Illinois.
If you're white, you won't get what I am saying. If you are black, you won't get what I am saying. I suspect only mixed race people will get where I am coming from by having shared experiences but I don't even expect them to agree with me- at least not if they are American.
I started to write this last night because I knew he was going to win. This morning, I have such a deep sadness in my soul it's going to be very hard to get through the day.
Make no mistake- I hate with a passion discussing issues with race, however I feel forced to do so now and I will be forever resentful of this.