I blame the Lunar Eclipse

[geekissexy23]

First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here.

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I

Comments

[jadecat]

The biggest issue I see here is that you two aren't communicating. You say one thing- he's hearing another, and when he says something- you hear something else. What will really help your marriage is if you learn to talk to each other, and to hear what the other is saying

[geekissexy23]

That makes sense, I can totally understand that from our argument we had, and how we used a lot of I feel this way or I feel that way.

I guess I shouldn't have even brought up the notion of well MAYBE I actually had plans for once and just let him say what he needed to and go. But as for the individual counceling, Marriage counceling is already costing us a lot, But I really wouldn't mind to go to individual counceling, that is a thought. I want to work this out I just feel like everything is against us even if its not ya know? Thanks so much for your advice I realy appreciate it

[jadecat]

Don't beat yourself up too hard- you're human! We all make mistakes, and communicating with another person can be hard! There are so many ways to say something- and there will always be times when the worst way to say a thing is taken in the worst way. Were the subject about anything other than counseling- your comment about scheduling may have been taken entirely differently. Heck, My hubby and I are great for each other- but we still had some communication issues to work out when we first got married. And we're practically perfect

[geekissexy23]

I totally wasn't expecting EVER from him (esp him knowing the details of what my ex did) a Dear Jane letter- I guess that's what suprised me the most.

I do want to work this out, I guess it just hurts that he didn't put as much effort as I did when things first started going down hill- a lot of things could have been resolved if he just showed interest.

I didn't know about the social worker thing- I know a few ppl who work in SW. I will def give them a call later. Thanks so much for that, i would have never thought of it. =)

[jadecat]

I admit I took a slightly snobby attitude about counseling social workers vs. psychologists... And then I sought counseling for myself and got a social worker, who has been great! :)

Don't give in to that hurt too far. There are mistakes to be found on both sides, I'm sure. I could ask you how well you vocalized your needs early on when things stared to go 'bad' for you. Did he really know you needed additional interest shown? There comes a point when that's just not worth it- and can interfere with fixing things.

What's more important- clinging to old hurts, or trying to work things out? In many ways it's that simple, and that hard!

*hugs* I'll be pulling for you two. :)