I blame the Lunar Eclipse

[geekissexy23]

First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here.

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I

Comments

[geekissexy23]

I totally understand. I guess like what I mean was that I was trying. Like I was putting everything that he said that he couldnt stand and not doing them. So I was trying to speak to him as an adult to an adult and trying to get him to understand why I was so hurt by that letter? I guess that's the best way to describe it I think. But yeah, I realy really don't want to have sex in general.

[nacho_cheese]

you're not having sex because you have no sex drive. Do you know what sex communicates to a man? When a man has sex with his wife, it makes him feel loved, secure, comforted, understood, proud. You are depriving him of those feelings and replacing them with insecurity, misunderstanding and indifference.

Though I'm a huge proponent of not doing what you don't want to do (especially in the sexual arena), I completely agree with you. Sex is more to a guy than we think, since it's usually women who are thought of as the ones who "make love." A guy bases a lot on the sexual activity, and when there's a lack, they wonder what's going on.

I heard something along the lines of eating to excite the appetite, and it's the same thing. The more you eat, the more you want to eat. The more you have sex, the more you want to. And it wouldn't hurt to give in and see where something goes. :)

(My $0.02 in a long laundry list of complaints!)

[la_musicologue]

Your advice is very good.

[dragonfly120]

I really want to chime in on this b/c I know how that feels. My husband lost his sex drive and I never felt more rejected and unloved. We went to counseling and we started actually scheduling sex, and while unromantic, has made both of us feel better. What I'm trying to say is how I can see your husband feeling rejected and like you don't love him at all when there's no sex.

[geekissexy23]

We did that for a while. the "Schedule sex" and it was the absolute worst feeling in the world. It was no longer us having sex because we wanted to, but because either we had to or if we didnt then he wouldnt have any for that certain amount of time

[drysdales]

Just curious, were you raised religious? I was, and I've had a hard time getting over my hangups about sex. I've always felt like I have to completely be into it or it almost feels like rape -- like how dare he expect me to do something I don't want to do? And if I don't want to do it, it's his fault for not making it more enjoyable or desirable or whatever.

It's taken a long time for me to change my attitude about sex, and it's been wonderful since I finally let some of that baggage go. Sometimes, it feels so good to just have sex just because I know it'll make him happy, and it ends up making me happy too.

It really sounds like counseling would do wonders for both of you. As Dr. Phil says, you're not ready for divorce until you're able to walk away with no lingering feelings, good or bad, toward the other person. It doesn't sound like you're there yet, so give it a fighting chance.

[geekissexy23]

It truely does feel like rape. 1000000% when I have sex when I do not want to. But yes definately with the counceling- I dont want to give up yet. =)

[drysdales]

I just read a great article about this in Glamour, I think. The couple was seriously lacking in the sex department so they made a deal to have sex every day whether they wanted to or not, and it turned out that the more they did it, the more they wanted it.

I just heard a similar thing on the radio the other day about 30-sex therapy -- you have sex every day for a month and it apparently does wonders for the whole marriage.

When the sex isn't there, it's reflected in the rest of the marriage.

[geekissexy23]

I do believe that yes if sex isnt there it is a reflextion on the marriage.

But at the same time if he's not putting effort, and trying to make me feel like garbage by means of him sleeping on the couch (when we were having sex prior to him sleeping on the couch) i dont think i should have to bend to his whim when he never ever bends to mine. I've tried everything i could think of when it comes to sex and to him dosent care. So i feel like i'm at an impass in a way

[feetmonkey]

Ha ha ha ha, for the hell of it, my hubby and I started the 30 day challenge yesterday, just to see if we could make it 30 days in a row.

Also, I read that Glamour article - it was pretty interesting, and I think it's certainly worth a shot for the OP. Why not? It might work.