this is why i must breath....

[_manhattan]

My life is a mess. I know this. I am a mess. I want to break away from the horrible way that I was raised. My narcissistic Mother can only think of herself right now. Everything is about her. My Sister called to inform her of Monsters arrest yesterday.. This morning I get a call from her and she says to me, "I don't know what you are trying to prove by putting him in jail? Its like you two want revenge.." How about justice, Mom? How about we aren't trying to prove anything.. How about we want the man that abused us to suffer... How about you stop thinking about your fucking self and realize that this world doesn't revolve around you.. Honestly.. this has nothing to do with her... and I am sick of everything being about her... She also told me that Monster can't get visitors... Why the fuck would she go visit him?
What the fuck is wrong with her......

I can't stand the very thought of her right now.
I hope I am a better parent than she is.....

I can't wrap my head around her behavior.
The detective didn't want us telling our Mother about this before his arrest but we decided to talk to her anyway and let her know what had happened to us. Maybe she would understand and knowing her, she would have been angry if we didn't tell her ahead of time.. so we did...
The detective wasn't happy about that.. Its over now.
He is in jail.
And this is happening.

The sooner she fucking accepts it, the better.

I just don't believe I have a Mother. I don't.
I have birth parents.. and neither of them deserve to be called that.