(no subject)
So what's the deal, does everyone hate me now or something?
So, okay, you don't "hate" me, but there are awkward feelings? I wish I'd heard this directly from someone before today. Maybe then there wouldn't be so many hurt feelings for both parties.
Maybe I'll try and remember some of the things that were going on/are going on/etc.
Currently, I'm a complete emotional wreck because I have no place to live when I go to school this fall, I could not get a summer job (therefore zero dollars), only 18 of my credits were accepted for my new school for my major (which means I'm technically a second semester freshman in what is my fourth year of college), I've had a massive cold for over a month now and now I've got to go for MRIs and ultrasounds and bloodtests because in my last bloodtest I had increased prolactin, which could mean that I have a pituatary gland tumor (which is a brain thing) and cold possibly have to go through radiation treatments, brain surgery, and years of medication. Of course, I might not have this thing. I might just have hyperprolactinemia from another source.
Of course, I'm fairly sure that I mentioned that I was having stomach pains and skipped periods and that was never figured out. Well, that's back again, which is another symptom of the hyperprolactinemia. It's considerably troubling as it can effect your fertility. Of course, I've never really wanted children, but who knows? I've never really been with someone to the point that I would think about that and perhaps after I get married, I would totally change my mind. Who knows. Plus, it creates an incredible difficulty with my plans for school this fall. If I was to have brain surgery, obviously this might conflict with my current schedule. If I was to bypass the surgery and take medication for the next two to forever years of my life, it makes you feel incredibly ill.
A lot of people were sick and one very, very important person in my life died very, very quickly. So it's shit all around, right?
So maybe this wasn't happening when I left, but there was still a considerable stressor that was relatively important for me to focus on. School. My fall semester I failed most of my classes because I was at the hospital for the stomach pains during the week before and the week of finals. Also, because I generally suck at science lectures. My spring semester was incredibly dissappointing. I was still having the pains, missing periods (which is really scary for a virgin, I mean unless my baby was Christ Reincarnate, which is still a really, really scary though, considering...), minor stressors...My therapists were asking me if I was blocking out a traumatic experience (ie rape, b/c of the missed periods, thank god that wasn't true).
On top of that, I was expending a lot of valuable time here and online in general. I had to "sort out my priorities" for a moment and, I hope understandably, the easiest thing was to take some time away. No one told me that they took this personally. Few people contacted me at all.
I did have another journal, but that was mainly for people that I knew in person. There were a much smaller number of people that I friended and no one was left out because I didn't like them or didn't want to ever talk to them again. And no one felt the need to ask about it, no one felt the need to comment to unfriend me, nor did anyone make any comment on my other journal. For all I knew everything was skipping along just brilliantly without me.
So, perhaps I hurt some people's feelings for leaving so suddenly, but I didn't really get encouragement to return. No one, outside of Ben (who I'll admit I was quite a shit to), emailed me, immed me, very few commented when I made a post a month or two ago. There's some pot and kettle business going on here, so I don't really know what else to say. I personally think it's silly to hold a grudge on this, but if you really don't want me to be on your friends list, take me off. I'd rather not have the false hope of someone keeping me on their friends list if they've secretly convinced themselves that they don't like me anymore. If you're really that pissed, I wish you could have said something. Say something now.
So, okay, you don't "hate" me, but there are awkward feelings? I wish I'd heard this directly from someone before today. Maybe then there wouldn't be so many hurt feelings for both parties.
Maybe I'll try and remember some of the things that were going on/are going on/etc.
Currently, I'm a complete emotional wreck because I have no place to live when I go to school this fall, I could not get a summer job (therefore zero dollars), only 18 of my credits were accepted for my new school for my major (which means I'm technically a second semester freshman in what is my fourth year of college), I've had a massive cold for over a month now and now I've got to go for MRIs and ultrasounds and bloodtests because in my last bloodtest I had increased prolactin, which could mean that I have a pituatary gland tumor (which is a brain thing) and cold possibly have to go through radiation treatments, brain surgery, and years of medication. Of course, I might not have this thing. I might just have hyperprolactinemia from another source.
Of course, I'm fairly sure that I mentioned that I was having stomach pains and skipped periods and that was never figured out. Well, that's back again, which is another symptom of the hyperprolactinemia. It's considerably troubling as it can effect your fertility. Of course, I've never really wanted children, but who knows? I've never really been with someone to the point that I would think about that and perhaps after I get married, I would totally change my mind. Who knows. Plus, it creates an incredible difficulty with my plans for school this fall. If I was to have brain surgery, obviously this might conflict with my current schedule. If I was to bypass the surgery and take medication for the next two to forever years of my life, it makes you feel incredibly ill.
A lot of people were sick and one very, very important person in my life died very, very quickly. So it's shit all around, right?
So maybe this wasn't happening when I left, but there was still a considerable stressor that was relatively important for me to focus on. School. My fall semester I failed most of my classes because I was at the hospital for the stomach pains during the week before and the week of finals. Also, because I generally suck at science lectures. My spring semester was incredibly dissappointing. I was still having the pains, missing periods (which is really scary for a virgin, I mean unless my baby was Christ Reincarnate, which is still a really, really scary though, considering...), minor stressors...My therapists were asking me if I was blocking out a traumatic experience (ie rape, b/c of the missed periods, thank god that wasn't true).
On top of that, I was expending a lot of valuable time here and online in general. I had to "sort out my priorities" for a moment and, I hope understandably, the easiest thing was to take some time away. No one told me that they took this personally. Few people contacted me at all.
I did have another journal, but that was mainly for people that I knew in person. There were a much smaller number of people that I friended and no one was left out because I didn't like them or didn't want to ever talk to them again. And no one felt the need to ask about it, no one felt the need to comment to unfriend me, nor did anyone make any comment on my other journal. For all I knew everything was skipping along just brilliantly without me.
So, perhaps I hurt some people's feelings for leaving so suddenly, but I didn't really get encouragement to return. No one, outside of Ben (who I'll admit I was quite a shit to), emailed me, immed me, very few commented when I made a post a month or two ago. There's some pot and kettle business going on here, so I don't really know what else to say. I personally think it's silly to hold a grudge on this, but if you really don't want me to be on your friends list, take me off. I'd rather not have the false hope of someone keeping me on their friends list if they've secretly convinced themselves that they don't like me anymore. If you're really that pissed, I wish you could have said something. Say something now.