(no subject)
i'm constantly fighting.
fighting the reminder that he isn't here anymore.
fighting the good and bad memories.
fighting the tears.
fighting the breakdowns.
forcing the smiles.
forcing good thoughts.
forcing strength.
how am i suppose to be okay with you being gone?
last night, i just kept getting strong images of dad's coffin being lowered into the ground.
i lost it.
...i don't know how to deal.
certain thoughts DO comfort me,
knowing he is in heaven.
knowing he is not suffering.
knowing that he did speak to me in my dream (i don't care how crazy that sounds)
but he's gone.
...i miss him.
the more time that passes, the more i realize he isn't coming back.
fighting the reminder that he isn't here anymore.
fighting the good and bad memories.
fighting the tears.
fighting the breakdowns.
forcing the smiles.
forcing good thoughts.
forcing strength.
how am i suppose to be okay with you being gone?
last night, i just kept getting strong images of dad's coffin being lowered into the ground.
i lost it.
...i don't know how to deal.
certain thoughts DO comfort me,
knowing he is in heaven.
knowing he is not suffering.
knowing that he did speak to me in my dream (i don't care how crazy that sounds)
but he's gone.
...i miss him.
the more time that passes, the more i realize he isn't coming back.