(no subject)
i feel like i could go insane.
i constantly have an image of dad laughing, smiling,taking his inhaler, struggling to breath, or laying dead in his bed....
always.
they all HURT me.
i just feel like i could explode at any moment.
i feel like i just haven't realized how real it is yet.
i'm afraid for when i do.
i've yet to be back to the graveyard since the day of the funeral.
i'm afraid i'll get there and never want to leave.
to know my daddy is only six feet away will kill me or comfort me.
either way, i won't want to leave.
i miss him so much.
i just want to call home and hear him answer the phone.
to talk to me about buying him a big house or taking him to a steak dinner.
he seemed to say those things a lot.
it doesn't seem real...
it doesn't seem right...
my mind is always racing,
wishing i could have had a great last conversation with him,
wishing i would have seem him more than i did on vacation,
wishing ... so many things.
more than anything to hug him and let him know i love him.
to let him know he was the best dad anyone could ever ask for.
IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL.
i don't know how to help myself...
i just don't.
i constantly have an image of dad laughing, smiling,taking his inhaler, struggling to breath, or laying dead in his bed....
always.
they all HURT me.
i just feel like i could explode at any moment.
i feel like i just haven't realized how real it is yet.
i'm afraid for when i do.
i've yet to be back to the graveyard since the day of the funeral.
i'm afraid i'll get there and never want to leave.
to know my daddy is only six feet away will kill me or comfort me.
either way, i won't want to leave.
i miss him so much.
i just want to call home and hear him answer the phone.
to talk to me about buying him a big house or taking him to a steak dinner.
he seemed to say those things a lot.
it doesn't seem real...
it doesn't seem right...
my mind is always racing,
wishing i could have had a great last conversation with him,
wishing i would have seem him more than i did on vacation,
wishing ... so many things.
more than anything to hug him and let him know i love him.
to let him know he was the best dad anyone could ever ask for.
IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL.
i don't know how to help myself...
i just don't.