(no subject)
i promise i will write an update soon, life's just been hectic is all.
i have an internship. its fabulous. im going to all kinds of swank events, im writing, im meeting new people, and it's amazing. i have this wonderful opportunity, and i think just writing it out right now makes me realize it for the first time. im able to galavant with models, designers, artists, club promoters, entreprenurs, editors, photographers, ad nauseum. my boss is (so far) kinda cool. she has a life, but she is living the life. shes older so i guess this is just hoo-ha for her. but hey she did interview queen latifah and mingles with p. diddy. two snaps. im slowly realizing this is what i want to do for real for real. and i will refuse to make it otherwise. pray for me yall.
ps-im trying to write this book but i prolly wont be able to because i have 80million things to do. im super broke, but this time im not just lazy, im just busy. my sched. is like 9-5 everyday, and every other weekend is filled with some event or duty (did i mention im an RA?) so yeah, i can barely decompress let alone, whatever else. i really wanna work at hooters because i hear you get paid bank (in tips si voux cuo) (that is so spelled wrong, i just made it up i think), but it says on the website, tuition imbursement (yeah i spelled that wrong too). holler@a bitch. i wish i had the time. but if i devoted all of my weekends for hooters, i would just never sleep. and that would be sad.
school as i said is, school. packed. interesting. and a pain in the ass.
my boyfriend is heavenly. i love him. he loves me. no drama. he is absofuckingamazing to me and even though im still building an out of this world love for him, in a way i do already. he's just amazing. honestly. i love him. i love him. and.......its really that deep. amazing.
um, what else? i dunno. im so broke its unfunny. its sad. i wish i could prostitute myself, but its too dangerous. i would strip but i dont think my body is up to par, and id also have to be horribly intoxicated.
my priorities are shifting and so are my attitudes toward my friends. if you're with me youre with me, if youre not youre not. i wont waste time on the details because they dont matter to me. if someone talks about it (and they do) then ill put my two cents in. im just on a carefree tip. im about mine, and maybe everyone is just growing up getting into their own set. maybe things are supposed to be this way. maybe im stuck in this 7th grade mentality when you have a best friend. maybe i read too much chick lit to think youd always have a best friend. i honestly felt i never had a best friend. i felt i had close close friendships, some more than others, but i never felt i could totally trust another person to be there for me. maybe thats because of daddy issues or what have you, but i just never felt if i called someone at 4 in the morning to DO something for me, it would be done. not listen to me cry, but actually actively do something (whatever the case may be) nor have i felt i was able to truly.....depend on one lone person. i used to depend on my exboyfriend for when i was depressed-but i moreso did that for his attention, and it was usually because of him. but whatever. now im trying to bridge those gaps and make those connections. in some i feel they are as best a friend they could be. in others i feel its a matter of circumstance. but maybe im immature. maybe im living in this fantasy land-or expect too much of people. maybe these hangups are self imposed and at the end of the day i just want to be taken care of in a way a friend could not provide, but more so of a provider. whatever. whatever indeed.
i am happy yall. besides my ever reoccuring financial situation, but i am happy. it makes me feel good. i have a refund check from my loan app that i should give back but i might just spend it to relieve the financial burden. not in a fun spend but in a necessary spend. we'll see. i love you all and i hope you're being safe. im sure you have a part of me that some will never know, and i thank you. kisses...
&ciaobella!
i have an internship. its fabulous. im going to all kinds of swank events, im writing, im meeting new people, and it's amazing. i have this wonderful opportunity, and i think just writing it out right now makes me realize it for the first time. im able to galavant with models, designers, artists, club promoters, entreprenurs, editors, photographers, ad nauseum. my boss is (so far) kinda cool. she has a life, but she is living the life. shes older so i guess this is just hoo-ha for her. but hey she did interview queen latifah and mingles with p. diddy. two snaps. im slowly realizing this is what i want to do for real for real. and i will refuse to make it otherwise. pray for me yall.
ps-im trying to write this book but i prolly wont be able to because i have 80million things to do. im super broke, but this time im not just lazy, im just busy. my sched. is like 9-5 everyday, and every other weekend is filled with some event or duty (did i mention im an RA?) so yeah, i can barely decompress let alone, whatever else. i really wanna work at hooters because i hear you get paid bank (in tips si voux cuo) (that is so spelled wrong, i just made it up i think), but it says on the website, tuition imbursement (yeah i spelled that wrong too). holler@a bitch. i wish i had the time. but if i devoted all of my weekends for hooters, i would just never sleep. and that would be sad.
school as i said is, school. packed. interesting. and a pain in the ass.
my boyfriend is heavenly. i love him. he loves me. no drama. he is absofuckingamazing to me and even though im still building an out of this world love for him, in a way i do already. he's just amazing. honestly. i love him. i love him. and.......its really that deep. amazing.
um, what else? i dunno. im so broke its unfunny. its sad. i wish i could prostitute myself, but its too dangerous. i would strip but i dont think my body is up to par, and id also have to be horribly intoxicated.
my priorities are shifting and so are my attitudes toward my friends. if you're with me youre with me, if youre not youre not. i wont waste time on the details because they dont matter to me. if someone talks about it (and they do) then ill put my two cents in. im just on a carefree tip. im about mine, and maybe everyone is just growing up getting into their own set. maybe things are supposed to be this way. maybe im stuck in this 7th grade mentality when you have a best friend. maybe i read too much chick lit to think youd always have a best friend. i honestly felt i never had a best friend. i felt i had close close friendships, some more than others, but i never felt i could totally trust another person to be there for me. maybe thats because of daddy issues or what have you, but i just never felt if i called someone at 4 in the morning to DO something for me, it would be done. not listen to me cry, but actually actively do something (whatever the case may be) nor have i felt i was able to truly.....depend on one lone person. i used to depend on my exboyfriend for when i was depressed-but i moreso did that for his attention, and it was usually because of him. but whatever. now im trying to bridge those gaps and make those connections. in some i feel they are as best a friend they could be. in others i feel its a matter of circumstance. but maybe im immature. maybe im living in this fantasy land-or expect too much of people. maybe these hangups are self imposed and at the end of the day i just want to be taken care of in a way a friend could not provide, but more so of a provider. whatever. whatever indeed.
i am happy yall. besides my ever reoccuring financial situation, but i am happy. it makes me feel good. i have a refund check from my loan app that i should give back but i might just spend it to relieve the financial burden. not in a fun spend but in a necessary spend. we'll see. i love you all and i hope you're being safe. im sure you have a part of me that some will never know, and i thank you. kisses...
&ciaobella!