(no subject)
to say that im pretty fucked up right now would be a starting point. yeah i had a more cohesive update but i dunno, i cant think in an organized way right now. im tired of complicated nonsense. im tired of the stupid people making stupid mistakes. im tired of hearing bullshit and having to smile and nod. im tired of pretending everythings ok. im tired of people trying to cover up their mistakes. maybe im at a point where i cant deal with the bullshit. i feel like actions should have a purposeful reaction, and that reaction should be intended. i dont want to be nice. i dont want to be peachy keen. i dont want to apologize for MY happiness. i dont want to hide that im HAPPY. im just starting to care less and less about everyone else because that is just too much for me right now. i have 8million things on my mind. i have soo many other problems that the minor details are just pissing me off. i dunno. ever been so angry that you just wanted to scream? at nothing? yeah, psycho much? i wanted to cut so bad, just to slow everything down, but i couldnt. because now someone sees me naked and actually notices each part of my body. because now things just cant be about me. not that i love the attention. "im crazy again, yay!" spare me. and ive yet to call my father. shit. i really need to make a post it for that.
"falling apart, and all that im asking. is it a crime, am i overreacting? oh, he's under my skin. give me something to get rid of him. ive got a reason i gotta bury this alive, another little white lie.."
my boyfriend. i love him. he pieces me together. he makes me feel like im ok. like im right, like im beautiful. he loves me. he loves me. thats awesome. it's wild because ive never felt this. i never felt so good, so right. i feel safe. i love being with him. i love making him feel like a man, and being submissive-yet still being an asshole and being a spoiled brat. i love that he kisses me on my nose in the weird way that he does, and that he lets me lay under his chin. i love that he squeezes me closer to him in the middle of the night and right before i wake up when we sleep together. when im with him all of my anger, all of my frustration and every problem melts away and im not that girl who i was a paragraph or two above. he lets me breathe. but i feel like i cant say this. that i cant express this. that i cant shout this at the top of my lungs. but its ok, because i love him....and right now that's enough.
"it cools the fire that burns in me..and I simply lose control, so just rain down on me. let your love just fall like raindrops-rain on me.."
&ciaobella
"falling apart, and all that im asking. is it a crime, am i overreacting? oh, he's under my skin. give me something to get rid of him. ive got a reason i gotta bury this alive, another little white lie.."
my boyfriend. i love him. he pieces me together. he makes me feel like im ok. like im right, like im beautiful. he loves me. he loves me. thats awesome. it's wild because ive never felt this. i never felt so good, so right. i feel safe. i love being with him. i love making him feel like a man, and being submissive-yet still being an asshole and being a spoiled brat. i love that he kisses me on my nose in the weird way that he does, and that he lets me lay under his chin. i love that he squeezes me closer to him in the middle of the night and right before i wake up when we sleep together. when im with him all of my anger, all of my frustration and every problem melts away and im not that girl who i was a paragraph or two above. he lets me breathe. but i feel like i cant say this. that i cant express this. that i cant shout this at the top of my lungs. but its ok, because i love him....and right now that's enough.
"it cools the fire that burns in me..and I simply lose control, so just rain down on me. let your love just fall like raindrops-rain on me.."
&ciaobella