i disappoint myself.
well.. i went to hawaii and it was cool. i dont want to make an entry about that though.
its been about three weeks i think. when i was in hawaii, i didnt really talk to him because i knew that i would just be sad, and i didnt want that. when i got back, i went and saw him and gave him the things i got for him. i didnt think it was weird at all and i was happy to see him, and it was so great that we were okay.. and hugging made me really believe that it was okay. we went shopping the next day and things were still going good. then the day after that, we went jogging together cause i want to get in shape, and then thats when disaster struck. blah. i cant believe i let it happen either because i know that if my friends wouldnt have all stood me up the night before, it wouldnt have happened. i feel so horrible. and then i had to say that i cant let it change anything (god im such a bitch) even though i dont know what to do. blah.
then, eric still refuses to acknowledge my existance. its just fucking wonderful. i dont even know why now. i apologized so many times and tried to talk to him over the last month, and NOTHIN. i dont even care if i seem desperate and stupid. before a few months ago, before he dropped dead, i thought we were best friends. he was always there. now, theres nothing.
i still havent unpacked my suitcases, and ive been back since sunday evening. i have no interest in doing it today either. i go back to work tomorrow, and this sounds horrible, but i dont want to see anybody. i dont want to be around anyone. i dont like being alone either, but i really dont want to go to work and have to glue on a fake smile. everything disappoints me lately, especially myself.
its been about three weeks i think. when i was in hawaii, i didnt really talk to him because i knew that i would just be sad, and i didnt want that. when i got back, i went and saw him and gave him the things i got for him. i didnt think it was weird at all and i was happy to see him, and it was so great that we were okay.. and hugging made me really believe that it was okay. we went shopping the next day and things were still going good. then the day after that, we went jogging together cause i want to get in shape, and then thats when disaster struck. blah. i cant believe i let it happen either because i know that if my friends wouldnt have all stood me up the night before, it wouldnt have happened. i feel so horrible. and then i had to say that i cant let it change anything (god im such a bitch) even though i dont know what to do. blah.
then, eric still refuses to acknowledge my existance. its just fucking wonderful. i dont even know why now. i apologized so many times and tried to talk to him over the last month, and NOTHIN. i dont even care if i seem desperate and stupid. before a few months ago, before he dropped dead, i thought we were best friends. he was always there. now, theres nothing.
i still havent unpacked my suitcases, and ive been back since sunday evening. i have no interest in doing it today either. i go back to work tomorrow, and this sounds horrible, but i dont want to see anybody. i dont want to be around anyone. i dont like being alone either, but i really dont want to go to work and have to glue on a fake smile. everything disappoints me lately, especially myself.