my family.
i remember the first Christmas we had without my mom. we had our noche buena in my grandmother's (my mother's mother) house, opened presents with our cousins, and walked home (we live in a compound, go figure) where our father was waiting, alone. his face lit up when we arrived, trying to hide the loneliness he felt, celebrating by himself for the first time in about 18 years. when we made our way to the living room and started opening gifts from under the tree, my sister turned the CD player on to a classical christmas soundtrack. it was something my mom had always done, only this time we all seemed to appreciate the music more, now that she was gone. we went on opening presents and making our usual mess, and when all the boxes had been emptied and the ribbons and wrappers covered the floor, i sent my siblings up to bed and began cleaning up. i remember how my dad went over to the CD player, turned the volume up and walked slowly towards me. taking my hand, he did something he hadn't done in years: he danced with me. he slid his socked feet underneath my bare ones and rocked us back and forth to the rythm of the orchestra. there, by the light of the tree in my fathers arms, i wept.
that's the last time i remember being held that way; it was the last time my father comforted me and the last time i felt safe in his arms, like we were on one team, part of one family.
now, six years later, the memory of that night comes rushing back to me from nowhere, and the only thing i feel is emptiness.
if things go well, my siblings and i might begin family therapy and healing with our mother. please pray for us, we need God so much right now. we need Him to heal us and to help us let go of the pain and trauma...we need His love, and strength and peace...
i don't know where else to run.
that's the last time i remember being held that way; it was the last time my father comforted me and the last time i felt safe in his arms, like we were on one team, part of one family.
now, six years later, the memory of that night comes rushing back to me from nowhere, and the only thing i feel is emptiness.
if things go well, my siblings and i might begin family therapy and healing with our mother. please pray for us, we need God so much right now. we need Him to heal us and to help us let go of the pain and trauma...we need His love, and strength and peace...
i don't know where else to run.