(no subject)
yes yes yes i know. my journal is in painful need of an actual detailed update. which prob wont come lol but ill start to update it more frequently when school starts and im spending more time on the lappy. but for rite now i found this quote which sums up everything ive been thinking, doubting, wondering, and occassionally updating (and deleting), about.
"Well...that's what we do! We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass!! Which you are 99% of the time! I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a two second rebound rate and you're off doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing...sooo...it's not going to be easy! It's gonna be really hard! And we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you! I want all of you forever, you and me, every day!!!!" ((the notebook))
i think that quote can be used by both sean and i about each other. not our WHOLE relationship, but mehhh about the past month or so. lol. and weve only had one real fight, the rest were just petty. but i think i was so nervous about being hurt and i was too busy questioning his feelings for me that i didnt concintrate on what matter most. that i do love him unconditionally. no matter what. and thats kinda what that quotes says, i love him no matter what happens.
and i know there are a million people thinking im crazy cuz i dont know him. but youre wrong. i do know him. this summer has been incredible, yes ive missed everyone terribly. but i was able to spend every single day, without fail, seeing sean. ((of course there was one or 2 i didnt)) but no more than that!! basically everyday was spent seeing him and tonite i got to thinking, yes im so happy to be going back to school and seeing everyone, but i dont know how im going to deal without seeing him everyday. i think im gunna go crazy after a while. and it makes me feel awful inside cuz i feel like i took this summer for granted. yes i saw him. but i dont think i appreciated being able to see him that often, as much as i should have. and that makes me so upset rite now.
finally i think im done thinking a million things. im done wondering what if so and so said something? what would have happened then? or what if she was rite? or what if hes hiding something? im done thinking everything. all that is not important. what is important is sean and i. and i am happy that something triggered inside of me today so i can go to school knowing where my heart is. i know its with sean, and it will be forever. im done second guessing everything so i dont get hurt, im done being worried about what people will say when they find out were engaged. i dont care if you think its too quick. im not going to get married tomorrow or anything lol, but we are going to get married eventually, and im so happy for it. yea some people will think were crazy, and im going to need to deal with it. but im not going to let it damper me anymore.
after everthing sean and i have been through, now i just feel that it all happened for a reason. cuz if some of the things happened when i was at school, i would have NEVER let that go over lolol. and we would have been over and done with in no time. but i think it all happened over the summer like this to make me realize this before school started and to put my head, and heart, in the rite place.
and im not going to lie, there were a few times that i wanted to end everything. to just walk away and move on. i was so scared that i was going to get hurt. i was afraid that i was building myself up for failure and he was going to leave me so i better do it first, but each time he wouldnt let me. as sean says "i know a good thing when i see it. and im not going to let you walk out of my life without a fight" ((or something like that haha)). and each time we would stay together. everyone fights. granted im different and i just like to give up on things. and those few times were nothing more then a meaningless fight. but me being a quitter as some say, would just be like "well lets just end it" and throw that one out there. yea i know i was way wrong, but i was looking for a way to not get my heart broken. haha i mean one time it was over me wanting to straighten my hair!!! so im realllllllllllllllly not exaggerating when i say meaningless. and no matter what sean stayed with me. no matter how rediculous i got, or stubborn i was, he stayed with me. cuz he knew we were ment for each other. if not, hell! who in their rite mind would stay with someone who pulled stupid shit like that, unless they absolutelly loved them? it makes me feel wicked bad now that i put him thru that, and that i second guessed some things. but im going to try my best to make it up to him. and be the *fiancee* he deserves.
and as crazy as he drives me sometimes, everytime i think of him i get this feeling. the feeling of knowing hes the right one for me. the feeling of knowing i love him much much more then i could ever explain on this thing or to anyone. when people say "you just know" when you find the right one, theyre completely right. and thats exactly how i feel about him. its like he had a giant sign on his head that said "youre gunna marry me lauren!!" but only i could read it.
anyways, i dont really know where this rant came from and i know it bounced around like crazy and probably made no sense at all, but im glad i did it. i think it was some things i needed to get out there for the whole world to see so i can feel better. i think it sums up whats been going on with us, but im done now. and i really think things are going to be 150% better now. buttt im gunna go talk to diana for a minute then head to bed cuz its already wicked late and tomorrow is my last day to spend with the love of my life before i head to come home. which people def need to see me! ;)
gnite everyone
"Well...that's what we do! We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass!! Which you are 99% of the time! I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a two second rebound rate and you're off doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing...sooo...it's not going to be easy! It's gonna be really hard! And we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you! I want all of you forever, you and me, every day!!!!" ((the notebook))
i think that quote can be used by both sean and i about each other. not our WHOLE relationship, but mehhh about the past month or so. lol. and weve only had one real fight, the rest were just petty. but i think i was so nervous about being hurt and i was too busy questioning his feelings for me that i didnt concintrate on what matter most. that i do love him unconditionally. no matter what. and thats kinda what that quotes says, i love him no matter what happens.
and i know there are a million people thinking im crazy cuz i dont know him. but youre wrong. i do know him. this summer has been incredible, yes ive missed everyone terribly. but i was able to spend every single day, without fail, seeing sean. ((of course there was one or 2 i didnt)) but no more than that!! basically everyday was spent seeing him and tonite i got to thinking, yes im so happy to be going back to school and seeing everyone, but i dont know how im going to deal without seeing him everyday. i think im gunna go crazy after a while. and it makes me feel awful inside cuz i feel like i took this summer for granted. yes i saw him. but i dont think i appreciated being able to see him that often, as much as i should have. and that makes me so upset rite now.
finally i think im done thinking a million things. im done wondering what if so and so said something? what would have happened then? or what if she was rite? or what if hes hiding something? im done thinking everything. all that is not important. what is important is sean and i. and i am happy that something triggered inside of me today so i can go to school knowing where my heart is. i know its with sean, and it will be forever. im done second guessing everything so i dont get hurt, im done being worried about what people will say when they find out were engaged. i dont care if you think its too quick. im not going to get married tomorrow or anything lol, but we are going to get married eventually, and im so happy for it. yea some people will think were crazy, and im going to need to deal with it. but im not going to let it damper me anymore.
after everthing sean and i have been through, now i just feel that it all happened for a reason. cuz if some of the things happened when i was at school, i would have NEVER let that go over lolol. and we would have been over and done with in no time. but i think it all happened over the summer like this to make me realize this before school started and to put my head, and heart, in the rite place.
and im not going to lie, there were a few times that i wanted to end everything. to just walk away and move on. i was so scared that i was going to get hurt. i was afraid that i was building myself up for failure and he was going to leave me so i better do it first, but each time he wouldnt let me. as sean says "i know a good thing when i see it. and im not going to let you walk out of my life without a fight" ((or something like that haha)). and each time we would stay together. everyone fights. granted im different and i just like to give up on things. and those few times were nothing more then a meaningless fight. but me being a quitter as some say, would just be like "well lets just end it" and throw that one out there. yea i know i was way wrong, but i was looking for a way to not get my heart broken. haha i mean one time it was over me wanting to straighten my hair!!! so im realllllllllllllllly not exaggerating when i say meaningless. and no matter what sean stayed with me. no matter how rediculous i got, or stubborn i was, he stayed with me. cuz he knew we were ment for each other. if not, hell! who in their rite mind would stay with someone who pulled stupid shit like that, unless they absolutelly loved them? it makes me feel wicked bad now that i put him thru that, and that i second guessed some things. but im going to try my best to make it up to him. and be the *fiancee* he deserves.
and as crazy as he drives me sometimes, everytime i think of him i get this feeling. the feeling of knowing hes the right one for me. the feeling of knowing i love him much much more then i could ever explain on this thing or to anyone. when people say "you just know" when you find the right one, theyre completely right. and thats exactly how i feel about him. its like he had a giant sign on his head that said "youre gunna marry me lauren!!" but only i could read it.
anyways, i dont really know where this rant came from and i know it bounced around like crazy and probably made no sense at all, but im glad i did it. i think it was some things i needed to get out there for the whole world to see so i can feel better. i think it sums up whats been going on with us, but im done now. and i really think things are going to be 150% better now. buttt im gunna go talk to diana for a minute then head to bed cuz its already wicked late and tomorrow is my last day to spend with the love of my life before i head to come home. which people def need to see me! ;)
gnite everyone