Reading Day
Elon lit up last night-- not just with the annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony in town, and not even with all the new lights wrapped around the buildings in the main area of campus. Last night was "Reading Day Eve" which is suppose to be the 'wickedest' time for parties. Ironic as it seems when contrasted to the lights, everyone deems it appropriate to Black Out. Strange juxtaposition.
A few people called me and asked me to go out. Jenn texted me and wanted to hang. And even some people asked me to go to other schools-- but I declined all of them. I told many of them different stories- some that I was feeling sick, others that I was going to be out of town. I didn't even respond to Jenn's text message. Which is strange. Three months ago, at the beginning of this year, I would have literally jumped at the idea of having people invite me out to play. I would have been thrilled to have people texting me and calling me inviting me to come hangout and partake in the festivities. I would have done anything ... anything ... to have had that freedom three months ago when life was falling apart, it seemed.
And yet, as I sat on my couch last night in the wee hours of the morning, staring blankly into the television it all seemed pathetic, in a way. Even though now, three months after everything has happened and I have countless friends to boot, I still sat doing the same exact thing, in the same exact place, with the same exact longing feelings that I had then. Of course, sans the tears. Why did it have to play out like this? Why?
I guess the one good thing about last night is that half of Elon's campus is currently waking up with their heads pounding, trying to figure out who the hell is laying next to them, and what all ensued the night before. Although I'm not rolling over and awkwardly telling the person next to me that I have to go home now, I do still wake up with a pounding headache-- my eyes bloodshot. It must be from the crying last night.
And once again, I lied to the people closest to me, so they wouldn't worry. Sans the tears?