. s h a d o w s .
I don't mean to constantly live within the shadows of my mind. Sometimes, I would like to touch the light, but alas...I am not fortunate enough to share any such optimism. My wording choices are poor, but I believe I get my point across. Believing in something is half the battle, it's maintaining the belief that you make yourself...well, believe. I think believing is stronger than thinking, but people misuse that, too. I hear people say things like, "I BELIEVE I put the ________ over there; you should check." No, you should be saying that you THINK you put the fucking BLANK over there. If you need to back up an "I believe," with a "You should check," than you truly don't believe shit. I am going off topic here, but what is the topic, anyway? I always start with a point, and end in a mess of nothingness left only to be interpreted by some wandering soul. My interpretation gets so off-key, off-kilter, off...off the wall! It is not me you should be interested in listening to!
Living with a mind clouded with darkness is not half bad. It gives you more to work with, whether you think that's true or not. If you're constantly in the light, how would you ever wonder what's in the shadows? There wouldn't be any. Or, perhaps there would be, at the very corners of your mind. You would be so blind, however, by the intensity of the light, you wouldn't ever consider there could be darkness SOMEWHERE in there. So, I embrace the dark that resides in my lovely little mind. I feel more enlightened by having it. I don't need real light to brighten my mind. A dark thought already brightens it, and on a daily basis at that. Almost on an hourly basis.
Anyone that has ever thought you cannot stay angry every single day of your life, has not met me, apparently. I have proven many people wrong. I am constantly angry, constantly in the dark. Yes, I do feel happiness. Or, I feel what my mind perceives as happiness. I guess I can't truly fathom that emotion, since it's always overrun with negativity. But, I digress. Anger is me. It is my fuel, and without it, I would surely have given up by now. I have too many people left to piss off; I cannot give up! (Pissing people off is a work in progress. I think most of the time, I am successful. I like to let myself believe that, anyway!) I don't know who I would be if I did not have this dark anger with me at all times.
I hear I am still a good-hearted, caring person. I hear I'm fairly easy to get along with, although at first I seem quite intimidating. Intimidation used to work, but now, not so much. I guess I just look friendlier these days. If only they knew the thoughts and images running through my head! Anyway, my point with adding this part is...this is why certain people fail to realize I truly am angry constantly. I do not come off so gloomy, at first. This is a prime example of reading the book, and NOT judging by the cover. How cliche! Aren't we all?
I am now going to leave you with this point...don't think you know what someone is all about, because chances are, you do not. I hate who I've become, but I also love me for being this way. I'm sure a lot of people around you are feeling some sort of conflict; perhaps this very same one. What you think you know may be complete bullshit, so ask the source, don't fucking assume.
Goodnight.
Living with a mind clouded with darkness is not half bad. It gives you more to work with, whether you think that's true or not. If you're constantly in the light, how would you ever wonder what's in the shadows? There wouldn't be any. Or, perhaps there would be, at the very corners of your mind. You would be so blind, however, by the intensity of the light, you wouldn't ever consider there could be darkness SOMEWHERE in there. So, I embrace the dark that resides in my lovely little mind. I feel more enlightened by having it. I don't need real light to brighten my mind. A dark thought already brightens it, and on a daily basis at that. Almost on an hourly basis.
Anyone that has ever thought you cannot stay angry every single day of your life, has not met me, apparently. I have proven many people wrong. I am constantly angry, constantly in the dark. Yes, I do feel happiness. Or, I feel what my mind perceives as happiness. I guess I can't truly fathom that emotion, since it's always overrun with negativity. But, I digress. Anger is me. It is my fuel, and without it, I would surely have given up by now. I have too many people left to piss off; I cannot give up! (Pissing people off is a work in progress. I think most of the time, I am successful. I like to let myself believe that, anyway!) I don't know who I would be if I did not have this dark anger with me at all times.
I hear I am still a good-hearted, caring person. I hear I'm fairly easy to get along with, although at first I seem quite intimidating. Intimidation used to work, but now, not so much. I guess I just look friendlier these days. If only they knew the thoughts and images running through my head! Anyway, my point with adding this part is...this is why certain people fail to realize I truly am angry constantly. I do not come off so gloomy, at first. This is a prime example of reading the book, and NOT judging by the cover. How cliche! Aren't we all?
I am now going to leave you with this point...don't think you know what someone is all about, because chances are, you do not. I hate who I've become, but I also love me for being this way. I'm sure a lot of people around you are feeling some sort of conflict; perhaps this very same one. What you think you know may be complete bullshit, so ask the source, don't fucking assume.
Goodnight.