sigh. sorry guys. my brain took over my fingers again.
ok, does anyone remember that entry i wrote some time ago about living life to the fullest?
probably not, as no one commented.
thats not the point of this entry, however. although i might get to that at a later date when im feeling whiney.
the point of this, is i feel like i'm almost there.
and this will help to get the rest of the way.
not to living life to the fullest, you understand, but finding how to go about doing so.
what ive decided, is that its subjective to the individual (duh) and is focused mainly on your childhood. cuz, fuck, i mean, who, when they think of feeling free, doesnt think of a specific moment in the past; some people had shitty childhoods, so they think of a special moment in recent years, but for those of us who recall the feeling of cold grass on bare feet and summer nights gleefully returning home covered in a thick layer of mud, dust, grass stains and unnamed sticky almost-liquids, its childhood which brings up feelings of release. release from responsiblity, and from..just crap in general. the crap everyone puts up with on a daily basis. the kind of crap that when you were a kid, you would have never stood for.
thus; living life to the fullest requires an abandonment of responsibility.
which is why no one actually does it. its always, FUCK YEAH! LETS JUST DROP IT ALL! I FUCKING QUIT LIFE! LETS GET IN THE CAR AND...wait...the car. fuck. the car needs some work, and we have to pay for gas, and we cant leave the kids, and...fuck it. lets just stay home. i'm. i'm sorry guys. im gonna have a drink and..i dont even know.
which is why people drink (but thats another subject entirely. or is it? alcohol and drugs as a method of living life to the fullest. the problem being that life doesnt go away just because your fucked out of your skull; life sticks around like gum in your hair. responsibilities will be waiting for you, kind of like cement shoes. when you wake up in the morning you may realize drugs and alcohol are nice while they last but. face it. they dont solve a single fucking problem. but the upside: instant gratification. and as far as upsides go, thats not bad.).
anyway, ive decided that to live life to the fullest possible way, you require balance. this balance can only be achieved by essentially continueing to do what it is you do to keep from starving and to live comfortably, but also to include all the little things that make you happy. because happiness is most important (which is why being comfortable is so important as well. you have to first be comfortable in order to progress to happy. at least thats how it is for me. some people could be cold and hungry and sick but happy, but they are probably on drugs. or have some other kind of emotional or physical high, be it natural or otherwise. either way, it doesnt last.) and if you dont have happiness you dont really have any reason to go on living. ideas are also important. by maintaining comfort and happiness you can find ideas; revelations; realizations; conclusions. spiritual and intellectual ideas aside, it keeps you busy. not that this isnt possible to reach enlightenment while your depressed and uncomfortable, its just that those ideas or conclusions about the big questions in life and the past are seen from a biased, unpleasant point of view. you have to suffer to write, but that doesnt mean what your writing isnt complete horseshit. sometimes its horseshit not though. but that contradicts what im getting at, so im going to ignore it.
i am so full of crap its overflowing into this stupid machine. i apologize, but im going to keep going.
this may all seem obvious to everyone. the happiness and comfort thing. although most people probably looked at this entry and said "fuck that shit, i am not reading that. o0ooo look someone posted a quiz." (p.s. thats how I think:P). but i felt the need to state all of it anyway, to explain the mindset ive reached and to help me think.
ok, so this leads me to the idea that in order to figure out how to live your own personal existence to the fullest, you have to make a big list of the little day-to-day things that make you happy. Because the big things you really ache for Will make you happy, but they are stepping stones. if you think you can jump from nice car to promotion to big screen tv to mansion to success to retirement without slipping once, then go for it. by all means. you must have more optimism than anyone ive ever met. the rest of us tend to need something little every day to get by (think about it) and not go crazy feeling like we are never going to reach what we want. our goals. everyone needs little pick-me-ups. its now that matters, essentially, and thats all most of us ever care about. the the people who care only about the future end up having mid life crisises because they suddenly feel like they've wasted their life even if they got everything they wanted. everything they wanted isnt nescessesarily everything they could have had or experienced. so what makes you happy?
a lot of little things make me, and lots of other people, happy. the cheesy movies actually know what they are talking about when they say 'its the little things that count.' examples: instant cameras (the best example of instant gratification next to heroin). hand written notes. colourful art. rain. napping with the person you love. walks in the woods. getting a compliment. having someone return a smile. brushing against someone your attracted to while you pass them and almost feeling the electric current (and endorphins. wo0oo). really beautiful skyscapes (i bet you've taken at least one picture of the sky in your life, even if your not usually a picture person). relaxing with people you actually like being around. making friends with someone you've had a silly negative preconception about. laughing when theres no one else around to hear you. finishing a book you've been trying to get through for fucking ever.
this entry is getting corny (or maybe its been that way since the start, i honestly dont know), because its 2 in the morning and my mood has been influenced by watching both trainspotting and elizabethtown in a single sitting. why do i always do these huge personal babbling never ending probing peeks into my psyche, when everyone else just writes what happened to them that day. am i using livejournal wrong?:P
alright. theres more but thats all im writing because i suspect what i just poured out was all complete bullshit that people are going to completely despise me for. oh well. you all despise me anyway, at least some of the time. i feel like going to sleep, but i also have the painful sensation that ive slept away most of the time ive had so far and ive been talking out of my ass for the past 20 minutes. how the fuck dare i talk about living life to the fullest... but thats a different train of thought. so this is the end, my friend.
and make the list. (background music fades; exit stage right)
probably not, as no one commented.
thats not the point of this entry, however. although i might get to that at a later date when im feeling whiney.
the point of this, is i feel like i'm almost there.
and this will help to get the rest of the way.
not to living life to the fullest, you understand, but finding how to go about doing so.
what ive decided, is that its subjective to the individual (duh) and is focused mainly on your childhood. cuz, fuck, i mean, who, when they think of feeling free, doesnt think of a specific moment in the past; some people had shitty childhoods, so they think of a special moment in recent years, but for those of us who recall the feeling of cold grass on bare feet and summer nights gleefully returning home covered in a thick layer of mud, dust, grass stains and unnamed sticky almost-liquids, its childhood which brings up feelings of release. release from responsiblity, and from..just crap in general. the crap everyone puts up with on a daily basis. the kind of crap that when you were a kid, you would have never stood for.
thus; living life to the fullest requires an abandonment of responsibility.
which is why no one actually does it. its always, FUCK YEAH! LETS JUST DROP IT ALL! I FUCKING QUIT LIFE! LETS GET IN THE CAR AND...wait...the car. fuck. the car needs some work, and we have to pay for gas, and we cant leave the kids, and...fuck it. lets just stay home. i'm. i'm sorry guys. im gonna have a drink and..i dont even know.
which is why people drink (but thats another subject entirely. or is it? alcohol and drugs as a method of living life to the fullest. the problem being that life doesnt go away just because your fucked out of your skull; life sticks around like gum in your hair. responsibilities will be waiting for you, kind of like cement shoes. when you wake up in the morning you may realize drugs and alcohol are nice while they last but. face it. they dont solve a single fucking problem. but the upside: instant gratification. and as far as upsides go, thats not bad.).
anyway, ive decided that to live life to the fullest possible way, you require balance. this balance can only be achieved by essentially continueing to do what it is you do to keep from starving and to live comfortably, but also to include all the little things that make you happy. because happiness is most important (which is why being comfortable is so important as well. you have to first be comfortable in order to progress to happy. at least thats how it is for me. some people could be cold and hungry and sick but happy, but they are probably on drugs. or have some other kind of emotional or physical high, be it natural or otherwise. either way, it doesnt last.) and if you dont have happiness you dont really have any reason to go on living. ideas are also important. by maintaining comfort and happiness you can find ideas; revelations; realizations; conclusions. spiritual and intellectual ideas aside, it keeps you busy. not that this isnt possible to reach enlightenment while your depressed and uncomfortable, its just that those ideas or conclusions about the big questions in life and the past are seen from a biased, unpleasant point of view. you have to suffer to write, but that doesnt mean what your writing isnt complete horseshit. sometimes its horseshit not though. but that contradicts what im getting at, so im going to ignore it.
i am so full of crap its overflowing into this stupid machine. i apologize, but im going to keep going.
this may all seem obvious to everyone. the happiness and comfort thing. although most people probably looked at this entry and said "fuck that shit, i am not reading that. o0ooo look someone posted a quiz." (p.s. thats how I think:P). but i felt the need to state all of it anyway, to explain the mindset ive reached and to help me think.
ok, so this leads me to the idea that in order to figure out how to live your own personal existence to the fullest, you have to make a big list of the little day-to-day things that make you happy. Because the big things you really ache for Will make you happy, but they are stepping stones. if you think you can jump from nice car to promotion to big screen tv to mansion to success to retirement without slipping once, then go for it. by all means. you must have more optimism than anyone ive ever met. the rest of us tend to need something little every day to get by (think about it) and not go crazy feeling like we are never going to reach what we want. our goals. everyone needs little pick-me-ups. its now that matters, essentially, and thats all most of us ever care about. the the people who care only about the future end up having mid life crisises because they suddenly feel like they've wasted their life even if they got everything they wanted. everything they wanted isnt nescessesarily everything they could have had or experienced. so what makes you happy?
a lot of little things make me, and lots of other people, happy. the cheesy movies actually know what they are talking about when they say 'its the little things that count.' examples: instant cameras (the best example of instant gratification next to heroin). hand written notes. colourful art. rain. napping with the person you love. walks in the woods. getting a compliment. having someone return a smile. brushing against someone your attracted to while you pass them and almost feeling the electric current (and endorphins. wo0oo). really beautiful skyscapes (i bet you've taken at least one picture of the sky in your life, even if your not usually a picture person). relaxing with people you actually like being around. making friends with someone you've had a silly negative preconception about. laughing when theres no one else around to hear you. finishing a book you've been trying to get through for fucking ever.
this entry is getting corny (or maybe its been that way since the start, i honestly dont know), because its 2 in the morning and my mood has been influenced by watching both trainspotting and elizabethtown in a single sitting. why do i always do these huge personal babbling never ending probing peeks into my psyche, when everyone else just writes what happened to them that day. am i using livejournal wrong?:P
alright. theres more but thats all im writing because i suspect what i just poured out was all complete bullshit that people are going to completely despise me for. oh well. you all despise me anyway, at least some of the time. i feel like going to sleep, but i also have the painful sensation that ive slept away most of the time ive had so far and ive been talking out of my ass for the past 20 minutes. how the fuck dare i talk about living life to the fullest... but thats a different train of thought. so this is the end, my friend.
and make the list. (background music fades; exit stage right)