(no subject)
i am one DETERMINED person if i dont say so myself.
it's 1:50 AM.
though its still not TECHNICALLY "today" 8/19---
i have finished my english project today.
alright back up.
today.
i woke up at 9am. exhausted but got up because i really did wanna go to the beach. We went all got dressed and what not and Lauren/her brothers met us here and we left. We got there and it cloudy but we settled in in hopes that it would get nice- as it does most days. but today was definitely an exception. We weren't even there an hour and it was pouring.
it was devastating.
we gathered our things and went shopping. i didn't have any money with me and my mom went with the kiddies to Michaels so i had no way to buy anything. i didn't want anything any way-- i have a few other things that my rather large pay check is going to this week... which will be satisfying-- i dont need clothes--- well, not until next week.. ahah.
so yeah we stayed there for a whiel then went back to my house and ate lunch-- and futdz around. we were bummed out by the rain so we didn't feel like doing anything-- and we didnt...
lauren left at around 3 and "uncle" Chris called from work and i worked all the way til 9 pm. which is a lot for me-- i did A LOT of bills and was a little grumpy doing it- but looking back on how much i made in one night-- yeah i sucked it up...
then because i had worked so hard on that i thought about cashing in and not even doing my project... buuuutttttt... that just doesn't work... i had to finish-- and i did finish... it took me pretty long but i finished and i'm proud of myself.... its one less thing i have to worry about finishing this week...
exciting right?
on that note 13 days until the cruise.
well.
nothing new here.
i've been thinking of Christian the entire day. i cannot shake it.. and it kills so bad because i miss him so much and i want to just talk to him and try to figure my own mind out. but this is one thing that he cannot help me with and ihave to figure it out on my own...
you know i told michelle tonight... i'm not sure if i was joking around... but i told her "follow your heart and do whatever makes you happy... dont' care what everyone else thinks because all that matters is that you're happy... (maybe i should follow my own advice ;))" and i think i said that because i've been thinking of him and lately i just wanna say f everything.. i want him.. i love him.. he makes me happy...
i dont know if i'm ready to make that commitment... and i dont knwo if i'm saying this because i haven't have a relationship since the end of school and i thirst for it... because i'm just like that, i'm a relationship persona nd i might as well embrace it then right?
sigh... i need to reason this out.. would it be wrong if i put that on my list of "to do" things that i have hanging over my computer?? ahhh i dont want it to seem like its secondary-- its obviously big if i've been thinking about it for this long- all day long... i mean its been on my mind all the time and i find myself day dreaming about him and i together-- and idk if its daydreams of the future or daydreams of things that happened in the past...
wow...
i'm insane..
speaking of insane--- i began reading and doing some basics on the abacus and i absolutely love it... i'm so strange... <3math..
ahah.
well i'm just typing now to wait for my project to finish printing. i have some ego barrier that i wanna see it set on my desk, completed- to be able to show to my mom. haha.. like i wanna have it on the fridge or something... i always go overboard on my summer projects and this year was no different... it came out to 20 pages... sick???? ... stupid???... ahh... those coincide often.
i'm listening to dashboard but i deemed a vanessa carlton song the song of the day today... sorry christopher carrabba....
here's the lyrics...
she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way
how she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see
she needs to be held in his arms to be free
but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand
'til she knows that the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold anybody this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him
and if she runs away she fears she won't be followed
what could be worse than leaving something behind?
and as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow
it's loneliness she finds...
if only he was mine
she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight
she must rinse him
she must rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way"
--vanessa carlton
ahhh its taking forever... time to go...
goodnight never never land.
it's 1:50 AM.
though its still not TECHNICALLY "today" 8/19---
i have finished my english project today.
alright back up.
today.
i woke up at 9am. exhausted but got up because i really did wanna go to the beach. We went all got dressed and what not and Lauren/her brothers met us here and we left. We got there and it cloudy but we settled in in hopes that it would get nice- as it does most days. but today was definitely an exception. We weren't even there an hour and it was pouring.
it was devastating.
we gathered our things and went shopping. i didn't have any money with me and my mom went with the kiddies to Michaels so i had no way to buy anything. i didn't want anything any way-- i have a few other things that my rather large pay check is going to this week... which will be satisfying-- i dont need clothes--- well, not until next week.. ahah.
so yeah we stayed there for a whiel then went back to my house and ate lunch-- and futdz around. we were bummed out by the rain so we didn't feel like doing anything-- and we didnt...
lauren left at around 3 and "uncle" Chris called from work and i worked all the way til 9 pm. which is a lot for me-- i did A LOT of bills and was a little grumpy doing it- but looking back on how much i made in one night-- yeah i sucked it up...
then because i had worked so hard on that i thought about cashing in and not even doing my project... buuuutttttt... that just doesn't work... i had to finish-- and i did finish... it took me pretty long but i finished and i'm proud of myself.... its one less thing i have to worry about finishing this week...
exciting right?
on that note 13 days until the cruise.
well.
nothing new here.
i've been thinking of Christian the entire day. i cannot shake it.. and it kills so bad because i miss him so much and i want to just talk to him and try to figure my own mind out. but this is one thing that he cannot help me with and ihave to figure it out on my own...
you know i told michelle tonight... i'm not sure if i was joking around... but i told her "follow your heart and do whatever makes you happy... dont' care what everyone else thinks because all that matters is that you're happy... (maybe i should follow my own advice ;))" and i think i said that because i've been thinking of him and lately i just wanna say f everything.. i want him.. i love him.. he makes me happy...
i dont know if i'm ready to make that commitment... and i dont knwo if i'm saying this because i haven't have a relationship since the end of school and i thirst for it... because i'm just like that, i'm a relationship persona nd i might as well embrace it then right?
sigh... i need to reason this out.. would it be wrong if i put that on my list of "to do" things that i have hanging over my computer?? ahhh i dont want it to seem like its secondary-- its obviously big if i've been thinking about it for this long- all day long... i mean its been on my mind all the time and i find myself day dreaming about him and i together-- and idk if its daydreams of the future or daydreams of things that happened in the past...
wow...
i'm insane..
speaking of insane--- i began reading and doing some basics on the abacus and i absolutely love it... i'm so strange... <3math..
ahah.
well i'm just typing now to wait for my project to finish printing. i have some ego barrier that i wanna see it set on my desk, completed- to be able to show to my mom. haha.. like i wanna have it on the fridge or something... i always go overboard on my summer projects and this year was no different... it came out to 20 pages... sick???? ... stupid???... ahh... those coincide often.
i'm listening to dashboard but i deemed a vanessa carlton song the song of the day today... sorry christopher carrabba....
here's the lyrics...
she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way
how she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see
she needs to be held in his arms to be free
but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand
'til she knows that the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold anybody this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him
and if she runs away she fears she won't be followed
what could be worse than leaving something behind?
and as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow
it's loneliness she finds...
if only he was mine
she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight
she must rinse him
she must rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way"
--vanessa carlton
ahhh its taking forever... time to go...
goodnight never never land.