oooOOOOOut tonight.
So, if you're in Portland, you should probably go to the Fez tonight. Because I'm going. :-)
Life is going okay. Things aren't perfect yet, but it seems to be moving that way. Or at least better. I got in a fight with James last night, but we talked about it today. I think that he's honestly taking the breakup harder than either Jualdo or I, which is surprising considering the mess I was when it happened. He basically spent the last half hour telling me that I've become everything that attracted me to him to begin with, and that he misses me a lot. I told him that he was right, not being with them has done me a lot of good, and going back to that would probably erase all the things I've worked for over the past couple of weeks. I still love him, and I still love Jualdo. I just think that they both need to get to different places in their lives before I'll be capable of even considering something like that. If I'm going to date someone, I need someone that wants to be with me and reminds me of that. Often. I need a relationship to be special. If it can't be that, then I can't be in it, because I'll go insane. Perhaps part of that is being an Aries; according to all of that stuff, I'm very passionate about everything I do. I was very passionate in this relationship, and no one met me even half way, really. I'm not saying I didn't make a crapload of mistakes, too, but I think a lot of them could have been avoided if we'd been a healthy relationship to start with. I want someone to be excited about me, the way I'm excited about them. Sincere about what they're feeling, the way I'm sincere about them. You know? I don't think that's needy, or too much to ask. I think that's healthy. If you're not excited about your partner, why the hell are you with them?
Work is going alright. I'm probably putting too much of myself into that, too. That's normal, though. I also actually like my job, despite all the incredulous statements like, "Why are you working at Kinko's if you've had a bank job?" I'm probably overqualified, but I'm seeing people more, and dealing with people in person. This is especially good for me, because it tends to deal with all of my social anxiety issues. The more I have to face the public, the more I can without being afraid. I still hate malls, but that's probably never going to change. :-P
I got paid tonight, so I'm going to hit the Fez. I know it's not a gay bar, but that's okay. I seem to have much more fun with mixed crowds than completely gay crowds. It's hard to conversate when everyone's trying to put their dick in your mouth. Plus, the music there is better than the crap they play at Boxxes or Silverado. I'm a little burnt out on top 40's. A beer and some eighties will do me just fine, thank you.
Anyway, I need to start getting ready. I'm going to try my straightener out (that's a flat iron, not a revolutionary new heterosexualizer drug) and we'll see if I end up looking fried. :-P
You think you deserve a trust fund, just because you want one...
Life is going okay. Things aren't perfect yet, but it seems to be moving that way. Or at least better. I got in a fight with James last night, but we talked about it today. I think that he's honestly taking the breakup harder than either Jualdo or I, which is surprising considering the mess I was when it happened. He basically spent the last half hour telling me that I've become everything that attracted me to him to begin with, and that he misses me a lot. I told him that he was right, not being with them has done me a lot of good, and going back to that would probably erase all the things I've worked for over the past couple of weeks. I still love him, and I still love Jualdo. I just think that they both need to get to different places in their lives before I'll be capable of even considering something like that. If I'm going to date someone, I need someone that wants to be with me and reminds me of that. Often. I need a relationship to be special. If it can't be that, then I can't be in it, because I'll go insane. Perhaps part of that is being an Aries; according to all of that stuff, I'm very passionate about everything I do. I was very passionate in this relationship, and no one met me even half way, really. I'm not saying I didn't make a crapload of mistakes, too, but I think a lot of them could have been avoided if we'd been a healthy relationship to start with. I want someone to be excited about me, the way I'm excited about them. Sincere about what they're feeling, the way I'm sincere about them. You know? I don't think that's needy, or too much to ask. I think that's healthy. If you're not excited about your partner, why the hell are you with them?
Work is going alright. I'm probably putting too much of myself into that, too. That's normal, though. I also actually like my job, despite all the incredulous statements like, "Why are you working at Kinko's if you've had a bank job?" I'm probably overqualified, but I'm seeing people more, and dealing with people in person. This is especially good for me, because it tends to deal with all of my social anxiety issues. The more I have to face the public, the more I can without being afraid. I still hate malls, but that's probably never going to change. :-P
I got paid tonight, so I'm going to hit the Fez. I know it's not a gay bar, but that's okay. I seem to have much more fun with mixed crowds than completely gay crowds. It's hard to conversate when everyone's trying to put their dick in your mouth. Plus, the music there is better than the crap they play at Boxxes or Silverado. I'm a little burnt out on top 40's. A beer and some eighties will do me just fine, thank you.
Anyway, I need to start getting ready. I'm going to try my straightener out (that's a flat iron, not a revolutionary new heterosexualizer drug) and we'll see if I end up looking fried. :-P
You think you deserve a trust fund, just because you want one...