...where the memory lingers...
I'm home right now because my throat is murdering me. I think there is a virus going around the school, so I don't want to get anymore sick than I am. My English class has eleven people absent, and I jsut ade it twelve. Hahaha.
Anyway, I've been skimming Myspace and I'm coming across the Myspaces of all of these people that I used to be good friends with. And I used to laugh with them. Now I laugh at them, and I'm sure it's likewise. We had no reason to grow apart. We enjoyed each others company, we got on fine, and we both had a mutual understanding of the friendships. I sometimes fear tha this is what will happen to the Six or any of my other friends. I know it's happening already. Everyone in the Six started to grow up much earlier than I, but recently, I feel somewhat different. I find myself being comfortable with myself, able to hold myself up when I'm alone. I don't need to stay on the phone all the time, and I don't mind being by myself. Phone conversations are much more quiet and spaced out. I'm reflecting on things I can change, not so much what I could have. What's done is done, and we have no choice but to focus in the bigger, better now. I saw so many possible "friend requests", but I realized that every Comment would start off with, "Who is this?" and than I'd have to explain that we were at one point, unseperable, and they grew up and moved on. I sometimes hate how I remember everything and everyone. I always wonder how people have so little memory capacity. but right now, I don't mind. I'm just focused on getting to school, writing my essay, one person and how I'm going to explain the things I've done.
I don't even know what brought up this whole revelation. But I hope I can keep it up.
EDiT: After the game, we went to Hanh's. It was a gas. We had fun. We went in the hot tub and talked and saw Goatse, and stuff. I liked it. The stuff, not Goatse. I was looking at Facebook. Like an older Myspace. It's really unnerving. I'm so young. A year younger atleast than everyone else. I'm mature and such, and I grew up really fast, but I ahve so much more to do. I don't like Matt anymore. It's going nowhere. And the person who has my affection... Well, it's complicated. VERY complicated. I have been listening to the White Stripes. I like them. I realized that complex music makes me sad. I like the strokes because they are what they are. The Strokes. Nothing more, nothing less. They are happy, with a small twist. The White Stripes are too. And Ben Kweller. I love simple things, in part because I know that there is something more to it, but I don't have to think about it. I don't force myself to. I jsut take it for face-value and leave it at that. So don't tell me The Strokes aren't that good. They are a really great fucking band. I love them. If you ever really listened to the lyrics, you'd think so differently. Whatever. I don't know why I'm suddenly so defensive tonight. Oh, I do know. But I can't say it. I'm very... I dunno. I have to keep so many things in. And while I'm really flustered because of it, I enjoy my life because of things. I love waking up and my room is cold and clean and the sun is dusting off the moonlight from my curtains. I love staying concealed in my sheets for "just another five minutes!" I love those things. I love coming home to a warm house. I am upposed to write an essay on an experience or relationship that has changed my life. I can't think os what to write. I could write about how Six people changed me. I have a much higher self-esteem. I don't dress like a floozy anymore. I wear clothes. Somewhat form-fitting, but I still leave things to the imagination. And to clear up rumors, I am still on the swim team . I did not quit. I exchanged words with my swim coach and I have settled my dispute. Okay, I feel like watching Igby. Or Shaun. I hate how three days is going to seem like forever, even though Sunday doesn't count. And I wonder if it's going to keep going on once Monday comes. I much healthier. I am losing weight. And I am still eating.I forget a lot and stuff, but whatever. Okay, FLAME OFF.
Anyway, I've been skimming Myspace and I'm coming across the Myspaces of all of these people that I used to be good friends with. And I used to laugh with them. Now I laugh at them, and I'm sure it's likewise. We had no reason to grow apart. We enjoyed each others company, we got on fine, and we both had a mutual understanding of the friendships. I sometimes fear tha this is what will happen to the Six or any of my other friends. I know it's happening already. Everyone in the Six started to grow up much earlier than I, but recently, I feel somewhat different. I find myself being comfortable with myself, able to hold myself up when I'm alone. I don't need to stay on the phone all the time, and I don't mind being by myself. Phone conversations are much more quiet and spaced out. I'm reflecting on things I can change, not so much what I could have. What's done is done, and we have no choice but to focus in the bigger, better now. I saw so many possible "friend requests", but I realized that every Comment would start off with, "Who is this?" and than I'd have to explain that we were at one point, unseperable, and they grew up and moved on. I sometimes hate how I remember everything and everyone. I always wonder how people have so little memory capacity. but right now, I don't mind. I'm just focused on getting to school, writing my essay, one person and how I'm going to explain the things I've done.
I don't even know what brought up this whole revelation. But I hope I can keep it up.
EDiT: After the game, we went to Hanh's. It was a gas. We had fun. We went in the hot tub and talked and saw Goatse, and stuff. I liked it. The stuff, not Goatse. I was looking at Facebook. Like an older Myspace. It's really unnerving. I'm so young. A year younger atleast than everyone else. I'm mature and such, and I grew up really fast, but I ahve so much more to do. I don't like Matt anymore. It's going nowhere. And the person who has my affection... Well, it's complicated. VERY complicated. I have been listening to the White Stripes. I like them. I realized that complex music makes me sad. I like the strokes because they are what they are. The Strokes. Nothing more, nothing less. They are happy, with a small twist. The White Stripes are too. And Ben Kweller. I love simple things, in part because I know that there is something more to it, but I don't have to think about it. I don't force myself to. I jsut take it for face-value and leave it at that. So don't tell me The Strokes aren't that good. They are a really great fucking band. I love them. If you ever really listened to the lyrics, you'd think so differently. Whatever. I don't know why I'm suddenly so defensive tonight. Oh, I do know. But I can't say it. I'm very... I dunno. I have to keep so many things in. And while I'm really flustered because of it, I enjoy my life because of things. I love waking up and my room is cold and clean and the sun is dusting off the moonlight from my curtains. I love staying concealed in my sheets for "just another five minutes!" I love those things. I love coming home to a warm house. I am upposed to write an essay on an experience or relationship that has changed my life. I can't think os what to write. I could write about how Six people changed me. I have a much higher self-esteem. I don't dress like a floozy anymore. I wear clothes. Somewhat form-fitting, but I still leave things to the imagination. And to clear up rumors, I am still on the swim team . I did not quit. I exchanged words with my swim coach and I have settled my dispute. Okay, I feel like watching Igby. Or Shaun. I hate how three days is going to seem like forever, even though Sunday doesn't count. And I wonder if it's going to keep going on once Monday comes. I much healthier. I am losing weight. And I am still eating.I forget a lot and stuff, but whatever. Okay, FLAME OFF.