it hurts to breath, everytime that you're not next to me

[_hekissedmedead]

i fucking hate this. i fucking hate everything anymore. what the hell is wrong with me. seriously? i need to fucking know. i'm so tired and all i can think about is him. and the shit he fed me friday night. it hurts to know that it won't ever be the same. just to hear him breathe, sends me overboard. and when my hand would brush his arm. every second of the night before replayed in my head. how did i let myself fall. i didn't even notice. but i noticed the way he ignored me last night. i noticed how he wouldn't dare look me in the eye. but how weird it was that just the night before, he couldn't keep his eyes or his hands off of me. pathetic. i'm pathetic for this. and just to hear this song. i cry. i find myself in a daze. the way his name rolls off my tounge. fate. but he never noticed. he could never tickle me or look at me or even hug me the same. he knows that. he knows he hurt me. but i don't think he cares. i slept beside him last night. just so i could watch him sleep and smell is cologne linger next to me. it took all i could to not kiss him. yeah i was afraid the first night. but i was over it by yesterday. who knew this would happen. who knew he was what i wanted. i was too blind to see it before. but it kills me to think that he could find another taker like that. he could. his voice could captivate and his smile could pierce another girls heart. just like mine. i can never forget the way he told me i was beautiful. but..it never happened. atleast that's how he wants it to be.
he never kissed me.
he never stared at me.
he never touched me so deeply.
i try to lie.
but i can't.