Happy thoughts
So Dann and I watched Finding Neverland the other day, and of course it gets to the end and we are both teary and I forgot how sad and strangely emotional that movie made me for a few different reasons. The main being that it reminds how much I kind of hate the life I lead. I get depressed the way I do when I watch Pride and Prejudice.
The movie ends and we are talking about Peter Pan and he asks me what my happy thought would be. I think for a moment and realize I don't know. I can't think of anything. I tell him so and he just looks at me and goes "Oh my god that's so sad." He's right, of course. And in response I start crying. Kind of laughing too, at how pathetic it all is. I think harder and remember I have kind of thought about this before. With Harry Potter. I have wondered if I would have any single memory strong and happy enough that I could use for a patronus. I never found one.
I Could do what Harry does at one point when he focuses on Ron and Hermione in general and just think about all the people I love. I mean, they really are my world. But it seems really pitiful that I cannot come up with one purely and intensely happy memory. Or thought. It really bothers me. I really can't provide an answer to the question "what is your happiest memory?"
After that I had to watch Pride and Prejudice.
The movie ends and we are talking about Peter Pan and he asks me what my happy thought would be. I think for a moment and realize I don't know. I can't think of anything. I tell him so and he just looks at me and goes "Oh my god that's so sad." He's right, of course. And in response I start crying. Kind of laughing too, at how pathetic it all is. I think harder and remember I have kind of thought about this before. With Harry Potter. I have wondered if I would have any single memory strong and happy enough that I could use for a patronus. I never found one.
I Could do what Harry does at one point when he focuses on Ron and Hermione in general and just think about all the people I love. I mean, they really are my world. But it seems really pitiful that I cannot come up with one purely and intensely happy memory. Or thought. It really bothers me. I really can't provide an answer to the question "what is your happiest memory?"
After that I had to watch Pride and Prejudice.