Personal Crisis...
Okay, so ever since I talked to Marvin the Martian the other week I've been thinking. Hell, I've been thinking a lot longer than that. I get so tired of being alone but it always seems like no one wants me for long. I'm like...a disposable diaper. Crap on me once or twice and then throw me away.
I mean, I have no idea if Ivy is alive or dead, or in some greenhouse getting spritzed with Miracle Gro. Even if she was dead, you'd think she'd have arranged in her will or something to send me a letter. I may be a ditz but in our business you never know when someone's gonna get a lucky shot in, or one of your so-called allies might decided to stick a knife in your back. I paid some two bit skank of a lawyer good money to help me set it up, right after me and Mister J had that one fight that Ivy helped me through. Right now, he knows I'm in the Nut Hatch but, if something happens, he'll send letters out to Ivy and Mister J if he can find them, and one to Bats in care of Gotham PD. Can't stand to let him have the last word, you know?
Oh, and all my earthly possessions will be left to help keep my Babies in the manner that they've become accustomed to. Bud and Lou have been pets for too long to survive out in the wild again, and knowing Bats he'd want them put down and the thought of that hurts me. No, no matter if I'm in jail or the loony bin or dead, Bud and Lou are safe for the rest of their lives.
They're my family, you know?
Now, last I heard from Mister J, he'd broken out and was terrorizing the cops of Gotham. Didn't even come look for me. Didn't send me a damn letter. Bastard. And I gave him some of the best years of my life!! Okay, so there was that really unfortunate incident with the whoopie cushion but I don't bring that up, hardly ever! But does he even try to call me up, even if it's just for old time's sake and a roll in the hay? NO!
Okay, so I wasn't in Gotham at the time. That is so not the point. The point is I reformed my entire life for him and he's forgotten me! Completely!! Poof! I might as well not have existed. Bastard.
One of these days I'm gonna catch up to him, and it'll be a toss up if I shoot the pasty faced freak between the eyes or screw him to death.
Still, I don't get what I'm supposed to do. I mean, on one hand all these people say that lying and cheating and manipulating people is “bad”. BUT, the good guys do it too. And not just in real life. I mean, come on, from the time a little girl is old enough to watch TV you learn how to twist men's minds around to where you want them to be.
I used to love watching old movies when I was little. It was nice, it was an escape from the real world. My two favorites were Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Marnie, followed by Bell, Book and Candle. Three famous movies, three beautiful actresses that the world adored.
And in every one of those movies, the heroines lied and stole and cheated and manipulated people.
Let's go even further, into musicals and fairy tales. The things that nearly every little girl grows up with. Mama Rose may have been a bit of a bitch and stole and conned people, but she took care of her family, and when Gypsy learned she could get rich and famous by showing a little T&A? You couldn't keep the clothes on her. Roxie Hart, my personal favorite, and Velma Kelly both were guilty of murder. But they got off and everyone cheers at the end.
For that matter, that number from Roxie’s trial? Razzle Dazzle? Reminds me of more than half a dozen real life trials, including that football player's. Sheesh.
Christine from Phantom of the Opera? Totally a manipulative bitch. She has one guy on the hook for what he can help her with and another guy on the hook for his looks and money. I still think the Phantom should have thrown her over, either for his friend's daughter or, better yet, the Viscount.
Cinderella started out her relationship with a lie to the man she loved. I wonder if after the wedding was the Prince disappointed that his new bride knew less about being a princess and more about getting the stains out of his tunic? Snow White was dead when her Prince Charming came for her -- that just creeps me out -- and Sleeping Beauty was unconscious. Does that mean men want their women silent and pliable?
I just...I just don't get it. Maybe that's what's wrong with me, I killed my conscience. Poor little Jiminy Cricket, gone before his time. ‘Cause I don't get what makes some of these women such great female role models. But they're famous and pretty and nearly everyone wants to either be them or marry them.
So what am I supposed to be?
I mean, I have no idea if Ivy is alive or dead, or in some greenhouse getting spritzed with Miracle Gro. Even if she was dead, you'd think she'd have arranged in her will or something to send me a letter. I may be a ditz but in our business you never know when someone's gonna get a lucky shot in, or one of your so-called allies might decided to stick a knife in your back. I paid some two bit skank of a lawyer good money to help me set it up, right after me and Mister J had that one fight that Ivy helped me through. Right now, he knows I'm in the Nut Hatch but, if something happens, he'll send letters out to Ivy and Mister J if he can find them, and one to Bats in care of Gotham PD. Can't stand to let him have the last word, you know?
Oh, and all my earthly possessions will be left to help keep my Babies in the manner that they've become accustomed to. Bud and Lou have been pets for too long to survive out in the wild again, and knowing Bats he'd want them put down and the thought of that hurts me. No, no matter if I'm in jail or the loony bin or dead, Bud and Lou are safe for the rest of their lives.
They're my family, you know?
Now, last I heard from Mister J, he'd broken out and was terrorizing the cops of Gotham. Didn't even come look for me. Didn't send me a damn letter. Bastard. And I gave him some of the best years of my life!! Okay, so there was that really unfortunate incident with the whoopie cushion but I don't bring that up, hardly ever! But does he even try to call me up, even if it's just for old time's sake and a roll in the hay? NO!
Okay, so I wasn't in Gotham at the time. That is so not the point. The point is I reformed my entire life for him and he's forgotten me! Completely!! Poof! I might as well not have existed. Bastard.
One of these days I'm gonna catch up to him, and it'll be a toss up if I shoot the pasty faced freak between the eyes or screw him to death.
Still, I don't get what I'm supposed to do. I mean, on one hand all these people say that lying and cheating and manipulating people is “bad”. BUT, the good guys do it too. And not just in real life. I mean, come on, from the time a little girl is old enough to watch TV you learn how to twist men's minds around to where you want them to be.
I used to love watching old movies when I was little. It was nice, it was an escape from the real world. My two favorites were Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Marnie, followed by Bell, Book and Candle. Three famous movies, three beautiful actresses that the world adored.
And in every one of those movies, the heroines lied and stole and cheated and manipulated people.
Let's go even further, into musicals and fairy tales. The things that nearly every little girl grows up with. Mama Rose may have been a bit of a bitch and stole and conned people, but she took care of her family, and when Gypsy learned she could get rich and famous by showing a little T&A? You couldn't keep the clothes on her. Roxie Hart, my personal favorite, and Velma Kelly both were guilty of murder. But they got off and everyone cheers at the end.
For that matter, that number from Roxie’s trial? Razzle Dazzle? Reminds me of more than half a dozen real life trials, including that football player's. Sheesh.
Christine from Phantom of the Opera? Totally a manipulative bitch. She has one guy on the hook for what he can help her with and another guy on the hook for his looks and money. I still think the Phantom should have thrown her over, either for his friend's daughter or, better yet, the Viscount.
Cinderella started out her relationship with a lie to the man she loved. I wonder if after the wedding was the Prince disappointed that his new bride knew less about being a princess and more about getting the stains out of his tunic? Snow White was dead when her Prince Charming came for her -- that just creeps me out -- and Sleeping Beauty was unconscious. Does that mean men want their women silent and pliable?
I just...I just don't get it. Maybe that's what's wrong with me, I killed my conscience. Poor little Jiminy Cricket, gone before his time. ‘Cause I don't get what makes some of these women such great female role models. But they're famous and pretty and nearly everyone wants to either be them or marry them.
So what am I supposed to be?