life
hmm...its been a long long long time since i've written anything.
i've had too much going on..good and bad. let see here
good stuff....
chad! my soulmate/husband/bestfriend/hero/my everything.
independent studies
talking to erica again
getting rid of bad people in my life
bad stuff
addiction
family
depression
chad and i started going out on august 9, 2005. he is the most amazing person i've ever met. he's always positive. he's sooo loving. he's very smart and is going to be successful. he has a great family that makes me feel welcomed and warm. he's sober. he has a great hobby. he's classy and handsome. and he has a big wah wah. i met him at this girl's house one day...and i knew that i had to make him mine. and now he is, and i'm so lucky to have him...he doesnt even know. if i diddnt have him, my life would still be going downhill. he saved me. he really saved me. and i can talk to him about anything i want, or need help with...but alot of times thats hard, because alot of the time i need help with things that might hurt him. but all in all...i cant wait to grow old with him, have his children, do new things with him, discover new places, and go to college together. i love him with all my heart, and always will, until the day i die. amen.
i started talking to my old best friend erica. she knows me inside and out...or atleast she used to. we've been so many places together, done so many things together, and had alot of firsts together.i had my first cigg. with her, i went to my first show with her, she was the first and the last girl that i've ever kissed, but thats because we were super drunk. i spent the most amazing new years with her, we celebrated our sweet sixteen together, we both shared the experence of new drugs together, thats nothing to be proud of. but thats just a little taste of the old days. she's been dealing with addiction by herself for the past few months, and is such a strong girl. and i miss her.
erica and i got into crystal meth last year. julie was the first one to introduce it to us. it was me, erica, and julie one night. just the 3 of us, julie showed us what is was. i was soooo afraid to do it, because i dont like feeling...like i have no control over my body or my mind. julie went into her bathroom with erica first...then erica came out smiling sooo big, and then i went in. julies like...its ok hun, i'll do a little then u do sum. so she made some fatty lines, and sniffed them all up. i have NEVER EVER EVER EVER...felt that amazing in my life. it diddnt take long at all for it to kick in. my mind felt so free, my body felt like it was floating, my blood felt like it was racing through my body, and my heart was beating so fast i thought i was going to have a heartattack. the 3 of us spent the whole night talking..and into the wee hrs of the morning. then we had some more, and more and more and more. julie slowed down on it..but erica and i kept going. erica and i did it so much, almost everyday. ohh shit. hahaha. erica and i did it one day...and we watched the phantom of the opra all day long. we stayed in bed and stared at the tv till it got dark. wen we finally tried to go to sleep, we couldnt get out of bed to turn the movie off, so we just sat in bed, and listened to the same song over and over and over and over again. after like 4 hrs, i got up and turned it off. thats why i cant watch that movie again, and chad wanted to see it, but i was like...i dont think so. anyways. erica moved away to palm springs, and i was left here alone basically. i never considered julie to be a friend at all...but she was all i had left. so we spent everyday of summer together. i continued to get high during summer school, and everymorning at julies house, i did a few lines to make sure i was gonna make it through the schoolday ok, without having to carry the drugs on me. at that time...i was the only one still doing it. julie was like...no no no. i dont want any. and that was that.
to be cont.