FREAK OUT!
I so can not handle this. I am not ready, I don't want it at all. Too soon, too much, can't handle it. At all. I am totally freaking out. Everything is going so great, and I have been having a blast the past few months. I have been making amazing friends, and I couldn't be happier. But now I am overwhelmed. I need time for me, and this is throwing everything off. Not like I don't want close friends, but for some reason, this is freaking me out. Bad. I don't even know what to do with myself right now! I guess it has just been so long... not even really that long. I don't know... right now, the only commitment I have is to myself and to my friends. FRIENDS. Nothing more. Not saying anyone wants commitment, but I don't want anything that could even lead to commitment right now. This is just so weird, because I didn't freak out before now. It just hit me like a brick all of a sudden, and I know this is making no sense, but it is perfectly clear to me. Well it's not clear what I will do or why I'm freakin out so much, but I at least understand what I am trying to say right now. I guess, all I really do know is that I need time for me, and just me. I need to be the old me again, the positive, happy-go-lucky me. Which I feel like I am back, but I just need to learn to be independent again, and I am not ready for anything, anybody, anywhere, anytime soon. PLEASE understand that. I have to understand it. I need everyone to understand it. I need soo badly...
Outside of my mental confusion right now, the weekend has been fun. Hung out with a lot of cool people and worked a lot. Which is good, because I have to make rent!!! I start Victoria's Secret on Tuesday, when I get trained! I went to a party on Saturday night and the lady who I work with her autistic son invited me to go with them to Destin to help take care of the kids! And it's not like I would have to be doing that the entire time. It would be all expenses paid, plus she would pay an additional $100 on top of that. The only thing is, I would have to ask off of Victoria's Secret AGAIN. I already need to get off a day to do my pre-op stuff, a week and ½ off for my surgery, I have to request certain times for DZ recruitment workshops and for DZ rush week, and I don't want to jeopardize my job. We will see...
Outside of my mental confusion right now, the weekend has been fun. Hung out with a lot of cool people and worked a lot. Which is good, because I have to make rent!!! I start Victoria's Secret on Tuesday, when I get trained! I went to a party on Saturday night and the lady who I work with her autistic son invited me to go with them to Destin to help take care of the kids! And it's not like I would have to be doing that the entire time. It would be all expenses paid, plus she would pay an additional $100 on top of that. The only thing is, I would have to ask off of Victoria's Secret AGAIN. I already need to get off a day to do my pre-op stuff, a week and ½ off for my surgery, I have to request certain times for DZ recruitment workshops and for DZ rush week, and I don't want to jeopardize my job. We will see...