Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
I can't help but to feel completely emo and miserable today. I woke up early to meet up with a friend before my class and wandered, talked and ate. It was nice to see her since I haven't in a while. So anyways, we get into the class and a TA is standing there and says "Your teacher is very sorry, but she can't make it in for today"...fucking great, I commuted my ass down there for a class and no teacher. On top of that it was the last class before the mid-term, fucking special. Oh, and then it decided to start raining, another bonus. Despite my anger with the incompetence of my teacher with not sending out an email to say she wouldn't be there, I met up with another friend who I hadn't seen all summer. On that note, I have decided that I am not going to look for a realtionship anymore, I am not going to debate the pros or cons. If something happens, then it happens.. and if not it won't matter anyways because I wasn't counting on it. This seems like a good logic, don't look.. just let be. Its the one thing I haven't tried yet, so why the hell not.
I am getting the biggest guilt trip ever about ending a.. I still dont knwo what to call it.. either way not worth this, thats all I know. I am being made to feel like the worst person in the world and probably lost a friendship because of my stupidity in thinking that maybe a spark will happen after a while. Well no spark came, I thought I did the nice thing, but apparently I fucked up even more. Its one thing to feel bad about hurting someone, but its a completely different thing to be guilted for it (including having a dog being put to sleep tied in with it). The lack of maturity bewilders me, but I asked for this I suppose.
On another note, what the fuck happened to childhood? My sister and cousin are 12, both of them bitch about being too fat and talk about their friends who cut themselves. I am left here to think... what the fuck?! I never denied that everyone has their problems, but they are still so young! What makes this scarier is that they try to justfy people cutting themselves: "her parents got divorced and she doesn't like her mom's new boyfriend". Now I realize that is a horrible situation, but how can that mean cut yourself and those around you will accept it because of your home situation? It may be a cause but not an excuse. This is when I realized that I can't protect my sister... actually it more happened when I was told by her that I didn't know what happened in her social life, which is true. I just wanted her to have as much of a chidhood as she could or even the best one she can. I just hope I can help fix what I fucked up on, what I am responsible for.
On a day like today, I can't help but think about the what if's, how hurt I was/am by choices that were made for me and the changes that happened because of them.
the years unfold in one moment
the voices that we heard so loud
are now suddenly silenced
inside this crowd
and you're surrounded by the lives
of those who found something to hold
so bringing everybody down
is all you know
you've been hiding so long
you can't find yourself
in this sheltered life you live
when everything you want is at your fingertips
you'll never know what need is
you're claiming to be something different
so wanting to believe
that you're better than the rest
to make up for your self-esteem
you talk to hear your own voice and
you've left me no choice but to choose
I miss the person that you were
but I don't miss you
you're the new revolution
the angst-filled adolescent
you fit the stereotype well
-Rise Against- Six Ways Till Sunday
I am getting the biggest guilt trip ever about ending a.. I still dont knwo what to call it.. either way not worth this, thats all I know. I am being made to feel like the worst person in the world and probably lost a friendship because of my stupidity in thinking that maybe a spark will happen after a while. Well no spark came, I thought I did the nice thing, but apparently I fucked up even more. Its one thing to feel bad about hurting someone, but its a completely different thing to be guilted for it (including having a dog being put to sleep tied in with it). The lack of maturity bewilders me, but I asked for this I suppose.
On another note, what the fuck happened to childhood? My sister and cousin are 12, both of them bitch about being too fat and talk about their friends who cut themselves. I am left here to think... what the fuck?! I never denied that everyone has their problems, but they are still so young! What makes this scarier is that they try to justfy people cutting themselves: "her parents got divorced and she doesn't like her mom's new boyfriend". Now I realize that is a horrible situation, but how can that mean cut yourself and those around you will accept it because of your home situation? It may be a cause but not an excuse. This is when I realized that I can't protect my sister... actually it more happened when I was told by her that I didn't know what happened in her social life, which is true. I just wanted her to have as much of a chidhood as she could or even the best one she can. I just hope I can help fix what I fucked up on, what I am responsible for.
On a day like today, I can't help but think about the what if's, how hurt I was/am by choices that were made for me and the changes that happened because of them.
the years unfold in one moment
the voices that we heard so loud
are now suddenly silenced
inside this crowd
and you're surrounded by the lives
of those who found something to hold
so bringing everybody down
is all you know
you've been hiding so long
you can't find yourself
in this sheltered life you live
when everything you want is at your fingertips
you'll never know what need is
you're claiming to be something different
so wanting to believe
that you're better than the rest
to make up for your self-esteem
you talk to hear your own voice and
you've left me no choice but to choose
I miss the person that you were
but I don't miss you
you're the new revolution
the angst-filled adolescent
you fit the stereotype well
-Rise Against- Six Ways Till Sunday