(no subject)
God I've been freaking out all day... what the fuck is wrong with me? What is my problem? Last night was really disturbing and I just wish my emotions would calm down. I didn't do anything worse than usual but it was just... I don't know. I want to go home. I want to rewind my life about 5 years. I'm fucking sick of being worthless. I want to go back to when I could actually do stuff and not disappoint everyone. I want a reason to stay here... something of my own. I want someone to be proud of me. I want to be able to accomplish something but everything has just gone away. I don't even know who the fuck I am or what I'm supposed to do with my life. I love him and that is all I know... I just wish I could do something on my own to shut everyone up when they tell me what I have to do. I wish I could do something that would make me happy. Even if no one else cared because at least I'd be happy but I'm not doing anything. I don't know what to do. Is it worth even being here anymore? I feel like I'm just drifting away into some sort of oblivion... I'm losing myself and I don't know what to do. What do I do? There are only a few things that make me happy anymore and most of those things just make me sad as much as happy. I'm holding on for only one reason and I can't even have him right now. I have to go...