After Patrol

[_faith_]

Think I fucked myself up tonight. I've been hittin' the patrols real hard, just because I'm so damned bored and restless and let's go on and admit it, frustrated. I was lurkin' around near what useta be Willy's bar and is now some schmancy bar & grill -- la di da. I heard somebody scream and I went tearin' through the alleys only to find out it

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[_faith_]

"'Cause no matter how much I try to change, I can't get away from what I am." It won't make sense to him, but it does to me: Worthless. Damaged. I take my hand away from my eyes and tuck it under the pillow, lookin' over at him, defeated. I ain't good with words, at all. Obviously.

[ozwolf]

I watch her for a long moment. "...and what is it you think you are?" I ask finally. I doubt very much she means 'slayer'. She'd never been one that had cursed being one like Buffy was known to do.

[_faith_]

"I'm no good for anyone," I say softly. Feels like bein' on some shrink's couch-- not that I ever did that, but what I imagine it might feel like. "I only ever had two things goin' for me. Bein' pretty and bein' the Slayer, and they've both turned around to bite me in the ass at one time or another."

Did they ever, startin' from the time I was eleven.

[ozwolf]

I arch an eyebrow at her. "I think that's a fairly dire assessment." I tell her. "What makes you think you're no good for anyone? Can't say I agree with you."

[_faith_]

"You coulda fooled me."

There it is, closer to the surface than I thought it was. Yeah, I guess I am a little bitter that he has such an easy time resistin' me. And wow, I still got that magic touch. From weepy hormonal girl to psycho bitch in less than ten seconds. There's talent for ya.

[ozwolf]

I don't give any outward reaction, but inwardly I sigh. Okay, so this is about us...at least partly. "So by 'no good for anyone' you mean relationship wise." I say calmly. Then I pause. "You know me well, Faith? I'm not the kind of guy that's going to trip over myself trying to impress people. I'm also not the kind of guy that rushes into things the second the hormones kick in. I'm sorry if that pisses you off, but I'm not going to change."

[_faith_]

"No, by no good for anyone I mean no good for anyone. What native language are you speakin', Oz?"

I roll onto my back, aggravated. 'Least I'm not cryin' anymore. Finally I say, "Look. I'm sorry I ever even thought about it, okay? I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable by kissin' you. I'm just fuckin' sorry in general."

Somebody make me shut the fuck up before I run off the best friend I have these days. Please?

[ozwolf]

I give a moment to see if she's done yet, and when she's quiet again, I say, "Who said I was uncomfortable that you kissed me?" She's getting bitchy, but I'm not about to rise to the bait. She can be bitchy all she wants. I won't take it lying down, but I'm not going to be drawn into a stupid argument with no basis.

[_faith_]

"Seemed that way to me. You've sure as hell been scarce lately, and yeah, I know some of it's the whole crazy guy thing." I sigh, still lookin' at the ceilin'. "But if you weren't, you weren't. Whatever."

[ozwolf]

"Don't 'whatever' me. I kissed you back. If I'd been against the idea I would have stopped you. You gave me time to." I point out. She can want to play the poor me card right now but I'm not letting her put my name on it. "And yeah, I've been scarce. I'm sorry. There's a lot to deal with in my head right now, and I don't really want to be all messed up and spreading that around when people need to be focused."